Competing Hypnotizability Scales (Short Story) {Part II}
September 21, 2012
Hurry Up and Get Big
October 5, 2012
Part III, the conclusion and final installment of the “Competing Hypnotizability Scales” short story.
Word Count: 907
Competing Hypnotizability Scales
(Part III)
A few academics found the HAFto be uncannily similar to the LHQ scale, but interestingly, containing enough dissimilar elements in it to stand up to charges of plagiarism in court.
Just what Conrad wanted it to do. Kenny was livid.
“Did you see what Leyendecker did to the flowers outside the psychology building yesterday?” said Dr. Beauregard Pitchfactor to one of his colleagues. “Some maintenance guy said the landscaping bill would probably run in the neighborhood of $8-10,000.00.”
“Really, said Dr. Diedrich Rudolpho. “Sounds similar to that fight he told me about over some doll when he was a kid.”
Kenny tried to damage the HAFthrough a variety of avenues. First, by attempting to dispute its reliability with a comparison to the LHQ. This didn’t work because when comparing the two, both were found to be more or less the same, and downgrading the HAF only hurt the reliability of his own LHQ.
Kenny then published a paper where he tried to discredit the HAF by pointing out that it didn’t work because of the fact that subjects under hypnosis exhibited wide variations in behavioral patterns. Most academics already knew this, therefore how do you measure hypnotizability in the first place?
As a last resort, Kenny explored the lawsuit option. He discarded that idea after adding up the costs to hire the litigation firm of Bonfiasca, & Bonfiasca, whose TV commercial he’d seen while trying to calm down at 2:15 am on a Tuesday morning.
The thing that finally looked like it might sink the HAF’s reliability came in the form of a personal attack on Conrad’s professional reputation. Ironically enough, it wasn’t even from Kenny either.
“This time I’ve finally got him,” said Dr. Cornelius Higby, “I’d like to see Conrad Leyendecker clean the slime off after I’m done with him this time.”
“You’ve been wanting to dump slop on the guy ever since you got stuck in the same
research lab,” said Dr. Astrid Flanders, a colleague of Higby’s. “What makes you so jealous of Leyendecker in the first place?”
“He always gets all the breaks. That new behavioral scale he created for measuring Hypnosis effectiveness is becoming really successful. That sucks.”
“You mean the HAF?”
“More like an HBF-Hypnotizability Bullshit Factor. This time I’m going to bring him down by proving he faked his way through grad. school. That’ll make this HAF of his look like the doctored up mess that it really is.”
“And how may I ask, do you plan on doing that Dr. Frankenstein?”
“I know this guy who says he can hack into the computer records for any institution of higher learning in the country. Once I pay him off, he’ll get into the record for Leyendecker and make it look like he weaseled his way to a PhD. After I take it to the press, Conrad Leyendecker’s reputation becomes lower than a cockroach. Then we sit back and watch the guy’s Cardboard castle collapse.”
Higby’s plan almost work too, except for the fact that the guy who told him he’d hack into the computer records only did a part of the job. Once Cornelius had paid him he only did a partial alteration of Conrad’s records, then took a work vacation in the Caribbean to study indigenous population computer technology.
_______________
What really sunk Cornelius’ efforts was a rescue from the most unlikely of sources.
“What was it that finally convinced you to say something to this Higby gentleman?” asked Jennifer during one of her visits with Kenneth.
“Actually it wasn’t what he said about Mr. Inadequate at that convention in Detroit
that bothered me. By the way, some of Higby’s insults directed towards Inadequatewere great. I almost wish I’d thought of them myself. Make sure you tell him that information next time you carry out a semi-coherent conversation with your adopted son.”
“Kenneth. You know very well your brother is capable of intelligent conversation.”
“Yeah I guess. What really bothered me was when Higby kept saying derogatory things about Conrad Leyendecker’s mother.”
“Like what?”
“At first the usual, your favorite pair of shoes is army issue, when Conrad was born he was so ugly the doctor slapped you instead, you’ve got a sign permanently attached to your backside that says Caution-Wide Load. Then he began saying Conrad Leyendecker’s mother doesn’t give much support to her children. That one broke the camel’s back as far as I’m concerned and I lit into Higby.”
“Really.”
“Mom you’ve always supported us. That’s the case no matter what crazy scheme we got ourselves into.”
“Come to think of it, yes I have.”
“Remember that Young-Scientistproject where you defended Inadequateby going to all the trouble of showing that you were the one who put extra-strength dynamite in his rocket when it was me that did it all along?”
“Oh yeah. The payment for those club house repairs wasn’t cheap.”
“Mom, you’ve always been in our corner and neither one of us would be in the position we’re in if it wasn’t for you.”
“Thanks. Glad to hear that.”
“I derive great pleasure out of soiling the Conrad’s reputation, and I’m pretty sure he feels the same way whenever he does it to me too.”
“True.”
“But the one thing both of us has that will always be a given is your un-dying support. I’ll treasure that. Conrad probably does too.”
