Heath Bar Crunch vs. Cherry Garcia

     Some people love to make lists comparing the pros and cons of two particularly appealing options. Or as the case may be, the relative merits of one place vs. the other. More often than not, they use these lists to help themselves decide between two particularly alluring choices, essentially because they’re unable to decide which of the two is the better option. Both discretions have their positive, as well as their negative merits, and these people are oftentimes so confused that the choice between Ben-n-Jerry’s Heath Bar Crunch and B-n-J Cherry Garcia Ice Cream comes down to a matter of life or death indecisiveness for them. As opposed to just a simple gastronomic indulgence choice. 

     Choosing between the relative merits of New England part of America vs. the Four Corners region of Colorado is sort of like this. Both parts of the country have their pros, as well as their cons, and picking between the two can often come down to choosing between types of ice cream. Wouldn’t it be grand if choices in life were always that simple? Then again if things were that informal, most people in the business sector of gainful employment would have to alter most, if not their entire philosophy of operating.

     I have never lived in the northeastern part of this fair country, but one of my best friends basically did the exact same thing as me in terms of where he decided to plant his roots. Namely, he traveled all over the place, and established semi-permanent foundations in various locales. Only to end up landing once and for all right back where he started from in Vermont. Yours truly did the identical thing as well, only in my case I ended up settling down in precisely the same town he grew up in Colorado. So which is better? Depends upon one’s perspective I guess, and which type of B-n-J ice cream you prefer. Lets compare the two locales. Since so much of scoring in the sports realm is based upon a point system, lets go with that. 

     We can totally agree upon the fact that both regions are similar in that they’re mountainous environments. We can also agree upon the contention by some (this author being squarely entrenched in this camp), that in many respects the most rewarding environments in terms of spiritual as well as physical gratification are indeed mountainous surroundings. That being the case, we can give equal points to both places.

Vermont – 1, SW Colorado – 1;

      Now certain people will of course disagree upon the positive merits of both Vermont

and Colorado being mountainous places. Not the fact that they’re surrounded by mountains. This is of course true. No, the contention is that mountainous environs are actually inhospitable places to set your roots in.

     For the most part they can be downright cold, the wind blows a lot, and the weather in general quite frequently bites the big one because of this fact. So then why the He## would anyone in his/her right mind want to live in the mountains?

      For these people, high altitude habitation is analogous to self-flagellation with a hefty birch sapling over freshly exposed skin. Not only that, they also contend that living in the mountains is flagellation involving the outermost epidermal layer having been peeled back, and the freshly exposed secondary tier of skin rubbed in gratuitous amounts of salt.  This in order to enhance the masochism aspect of the experience. These people are instead prone with an eccentric desire to spend tremendous amounts of time lounging on the beach. Sand and surf more to their sense of wellbeing and happiness. Thank God not all of us are this lazy and prefer mountainous environments. +1 for Vt. and Colorado.

     The weather can be downright nasty in both Vermont and Colorado though. Lets simplify the climate factor by breaking it down region vs. region. Vermont being in the northeast part of America, is often very wet and rainy. Since it’s prone to higher humidity, this greatly influences the type of vegetation growing in the place. All of a sudden, you’ve got lots more variety in terms of flora. Additional score of +1 for Vermont.

     Colorado being in the southwestern part of America on the other hand, is extremely dry. In fact, some even contend that whenever it rains, five minutes after the sky has stopped opening up, things will start to climb their inevitable arid moisture level almost instantaneously. A great environment to live in for people trying to avoid allergies of various sorts, and therefore +1 for the Colorado camp.

     These climate factors also greatly influence the appearance of the place. Vermont is often quite lush and green. In fact, it’s referred to as the Green Mountain State because of this fact. Not because a large percentage of the population in the state have built shrines to Al Gore and his theories concerning the effects of global warming. Therefore depending upon one’s political leanings, +1 for the Catamounts.

     Because of its lower relative humidity, Colorado has more of an arid appearance to it.

There’s less vegetation, but the general appearance of the place is also quite beautiful in a different sort of way than Vermont. Fewer trees and bushes, but many people like that type of vegetative appearance. Additionally, a lot less yard maintenance work is involved while living in this environment, so definitely a +1 for the Colorado folks.

     Now the humidity factor in both environments greatly affects snow conditions as well. Many people feel (this author included) that in order to maintain an adequate level of happiness when living in a mountain environment, a person needs to spend a sufficient amount of their free time during the winter months recreating. Usually by skiing or snowboarding in one form or another preferably. Relative humidity heavily influences snow conditions, and therefore factors into the equation.

     Vermont snow is much heavier than the light, fluffy stuff you find in Colorado, so consequently conditions are icier. Subsequently, a +1 for the folks out west.

     On the other hand, because the snow in Colorado is so much lighter, it’s like a double- edged sword in that it avalanches much easier right after a big storm than the heavy stuff you find in Vermont. +1 for the Eastern folks, just because of the safety factor being at a much higher level in their neck of the woods.

     Now lets say one prefers to do their sliding at a local ski area via the season pass route. If that’s the case, conditions in both places more or less cancel each other out. Vermont skiers tend to be much hardier stock, and will go out for a day of recreating under extremely adverse conditions (+1). The winter weather out west can be much nicer though, since the sun actually makes an appearance on a fairly regular basis (+1 for Colorado). Western skiers tend to go out for a day of recreating on a more consistent basis because of this (another +1 for Colorado).

     Then again, pass holders out west also tend to be a wimpier lot. Many is the time when a season pass patron at a local resort in Colorado tries to come up with a variety of excuses to justify quitting for the day. It’s too windy, the snow is too hard packed, their big toe is rubbing against the front of their boot because they stubbed it while walking into the kitchen last week to refill that bowl of Cap’n Crunchcereal, +1 for Vermont.

     Let’s examine other hidden factors. It’s a well-known fact that the northeastern part of America is quite possibly the world capital for swimming holes, and Vermont is a prime example of this (+1 for the Catamounts). Awesome places to take a leap into liquid aqua abound throughout the state, and guidebooks have even been published to promote this wonderful fact.

     Unfortunately, everybody and their cousin on the eastern seaboard knows this, so popular swimming holes throughout the green mountain state are often very crowded. This tends not to happen out west (the water is often too cold). We’ll give a +1 to Colorado just because of the fact that there are less people at these sites.

     The change of seasons and the subsequent fall colors is much more spectacular in the northeast than it is out west (+1 for Vermont). The fact that there are more hardwood trees present makes for greater variety in terms of colors. A lot more browns and reds than your typical western yellow Cottonwood and Aspen trees. Tourism boards throughout the eastern part of this country use this as a selling point for the promotion of bus tours to New England in the fall.

     Once again we find ourselves confronted with the same everybody and his cousin conundrum that we faced with the swimming hole sites. Many is the time when Vermont residents can be heard cursing under their breath as they dodge tour buses in profusion during the months of September and October, +1 for Colorado.

     Finally let’s examine some of the intangible factors. Living in Vermont allows one to make monthly Mecca-like pilgrimages to the B-n-J factory in Waterbury (a definite +1 for the northeasterners). Then again there are equal, if not more interesting options for pleasurable sites to visit while spending a few days the Mile-Hi city (+1 for Colorado).

     This brings us into the sports viewing realm of things. Because Denver is a fairly sizable metropolitan area, you’ve got attendance options for all four of the major professional sports teams based in Colorado (+1). You can’t count the fact that many Vermonters are die-in-the-wool Boston fans, since all four expert sporting teams from that city are located in another state.

     On the other hand, professional sports in general has evolved into a complete parody. Thus Vermont not having a major athletic team is actually an honorable claim to fame (+1 for the northeasterners).

     What about famous musical groups originating in each state? Because Colorado has a

bigger population base to draw from, the history is much deeper. We won’t even mention

the great legacy that is Glen Miller, or even John Denver. Instead, lets stick to the more

recent famous musical acts such as Big Head Todd, String Cheese Incident, or The Fray. (+1 for Colorado).

     But the musical aficionados in Vermont can in turn counter with the boys in Phish, or Grace Potter and the Nocturnals. (+1 for the Catamounts). Basically both environments are conducive for stimulating creative juices in the musical realm. This we can all agree upon.

     So where does this entire environment vs. environment competition leave us? Tabulating our not-so-seriousscores, we see that all this comparison-shopping has resulted in a dead heat, Colorado 12, Vermont 12.

     Is this so surprising? Not really, since both places have there own special brand of quirkiness, and we could probably go on for hours about each place’s unique eccentricities and charms. It’s sort of like pitting B-n-J Heath Bar Crunch ice cream up against the Cherry Garcia brand. Did you actually expect one of them to beat the other out in some sort of weird pseudo-competition?