The Cinema Obsession Pipeline
September 3, 2015
Stealth Robbery (Silverton Style)
October 3, 2015
This is an essay I got the editor of the local newspaper to publish for me yesterday. Quite proud of myself as far as this one goes. I got the idea for it last Sunday night, and banged the whole thing out in one night over a three hour period. So cool when everything just flows from your brain to the keyboard of the computer in a situation like this. Almost like you can’t type fast enough.
Word Count: 881
The Excitement Level
Is Quite Palpable
I’m really pumped at the present moment. You’re probably saying to yourself; “How in the world can this Swanson guy be happy at this time of the year? We’re barreling headlong into Fall and a lot of things are going to be closing up for the season within the next few weeks. What’s this wing-nut got to be so thrill about in mid September-Silverton?
It’s finally happening. The guy has completely slipped off the deep end this time. Sad actually. I always enjoyed talking to him when we’d run into each other on the street. This confirms it, Swanson really is a poster child for Mentally Challenged Adults in America.”
So why am I higher than a wayward satellite at this very moment? I happen to be a regular subscriber to “Powder”magazine, the Bible of deep powder snow skiing here in North America. Consequently, I receive regular e-mail updates from the magazine’s editorial department in my inbox once or twice a week. South America, and specifically Chile and Argentina are presently receiving record amounts of the white stuff. El Nino weather patterns have totally kicked in and guess what? It’s headed our way whether we like it or not.
If you don’t like snow, it’s probably a stupid idea to spend this coming winter here in Silverton much less read any further. Now if you’re like me (and God help you if you are..), January and February can’t get here fast enough. This is sort of like a chronic couch potato stuck on the barca-lounger for the next few days. They’re getting premium Cable for free, and an unlimited supply of pizza & beer. Life can’t get much better.
I’m already planning my winter strategy. As some of you know, that broken heel injury I sustained last year caused me to lose the entire ski season. Now that I’m, “fit and full of piss & vinegar,” as my grandmother used to put it, I’m going to take full advantage of the upcoming cold season. With a vengeance in case you’re wondering.
A lot of folks don’t think skiing at Kendall Mountain Ski Area is all that much fun. It’s small, and after awhile you tend to lose interest since the terrain is limited among other things. It’s a whole different story if you ski there when the snow is coming down so hard you can barely see two or three feet in front of your face? You’re constantly wiping off your goggles and the best way to ski is to just blast your way down the mountain. You rip through the haze, and the picture perfect turns you just made are partially buried as soon as you get off the mini chairlift at the top in preparation for another go-round. Skiing deep powder is sort of like floating through a marshmallow. Just let it happen.
This is one big reason why I will never live in the tropics. Most of the people who reside there have never experienced skiing through deep powder snow. Unfortunately some of them don’t even know what powder snow is, let alone have ever experienced it. Their loss.
Part of my strategy to ski Kendall Mountainwhen it’s snowing heavily is to have the place all to myself. This is relatively easy to pull off since most folks don’t like to ski when it’s dumping. Not so much fun, especially if the wind is blowing like a Midwest tornado.
Unfortunately, I have to share the place with another ski fanatic like myself (only difference is he happens to be an Alpine skier while yours truly does the Telemark thing). You might know him. He owns a shop here in Silverton and happens to be a County Commissioner. He also does a regular drumming gig with the local brass band.
My strategy to have Kendall Mountain Ski Area all to myself in the middle of huge snowstorm (I probably shouldn’t reveal this?), is to call the guy the morning of a big weekend snow storm and tell him the chairlift bull wheel is broken. Unfortunately there won’t be any skiing that day. I’ll sound totally sincere as I tell him these made-up facts, and might even shed a tear or two while I’m revealing this little tid-bit of disinformation.
Too bad he can’t see me when I’m telling him the sad news. I’ve got to sound as believable and look as hangdog sad as possible in order for my strategy to work. Tough job, but I’m just the person to make the supreme sacrifice and do it. The slope and all those untracked spots will be mine, all mine.
Mr. Swanson has another reason to be excited at the present moment. The book of essays he’s putting together will soon see the radiant light of publication. The small book-printing firm he’s working with to self-publish the book(Raven’s Eye Press-Durango) is hoping for a mid-to late-October publishing date. Any sort of book signing/bacchanalian party won’t happen till early summer of next year. In the meantime, the publication will happen, but the exact date is secretive (and unknown) in nature. That way no one will be exactly sure when to fire bomb the place where Mr. Swanson sleeps.
