Mouth Wide Open (10-minute play)
November 14, 2014
Ways to Increase Your Electricity Bill (Silverton Style)
December 12, 2014
This is an essay that was originally posted a year ago on my blog. It proved popular and rather topical for the time of year. Since I’m busy with all sorts of other activities right now, I figured I’d re-post it for all the readers out there. Enjoy!!
Word Count: 873
Obsession of the
Purchasing Sort
Maybe its because other than my previous passions for collecting comic books and records, I’ve never been much of a shopper. To a certain segment of the American public, and most marketing executives this may sound like blasphemy of the worst sort. How can any red-blooded American be opposed to the practice of spending inordinate amounts of time looking for a good bargain when out purchasing commodities?
Well for one thing I’m not the right gender to be obsessed with wanting to carry out the practice. Lets face it, the rite of buying things is, and probably always will be the domain of the fairer sex. This isn’t me stating an opinion; it’s a well-known fact. No disputing the matter actually.
Also from my perspective, having grown up with four sisters and an influential mother, I’ve noted that the practice of shopping is something a lot of women have turned into a highly refined science. Like any other muscle through relentless practice they’ve built it up.
Even people like my mother who lived in a very rural area. The day the Sears, J.C. Penny’s, and Monkey Wards catalogs showed up in the mail represented a very important shopping day for everyone. Particularly mom who did a lot of her holiday purchases through the old 60’s & 70’s snail mail method. Sort of like Internet shopping in the present age, only glacially slower. Actually that’s not a very good analogy since glaciers move at a much faster pace these days, Disappear at a much faster rate too, but that’s a political thing so we won’t get into it at this time.
Product marketers have totally focused in on this shopping obsession and gotten pretty good at it. Even expanded promotion of their commodity to include every segment of the general population. Regardless as to the gender or age of the potential buyer. Part and parcel of their job as a salesman so would you expect any less? Of course not.
Now the Christmas season traditionally starts the day after Thanksgiving, right? At least that’s when most people are supposed to start putting up their Christmas decorations. Trees, ornaments, festive lights, all that good stuff.
From a sales standpoint this means the most important month of the year is about to begin. Studies have shown that many companies get up to three quarters of their entire yearly revenue from that one-month period between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Nothing like putting all the pressure for your business to succeed off of sales from that one do-or-die passage of time?
Now my favorite Black Friday story stems from a time my sisters and I flew out to California for Thanksgiving. Nobody in mom’s family had planned a Turkey day celebration that year, so we organized a semi-big family gathering with all the fixings. While planning the get together it was revealed that we needed to modify when the actual dinner was supposed to take place. Make it at an earlier time in the afternoon.
Reason for this? Basically because one of my cousins had to wake up at the butt-crack of dawn in order to get in line for the 4:00 am opening of one of her favorite Christmas shopping establishments. What?! Modifying your Thanksgiving eating schedule in order to accommodate when you’re supposed to go holiday shopping? At least from my perspective this represents sacrilege on the same scale as me walking into the Sistine Chapel to begin throwing stones at the ceiling.
My cousin was able to make her 4:00 a.m. shopping rendezvous and all turned out to be right with the world that particular weekend. Since then it’s only gotten stranger from a marketing standpoint. A few stores even open their doors for holiday shopping on Thanksgiving Day. Lure potential buyers with deeply discounted items and all sorts of incentive plans. Further entice their employees to give up Thanksgiving with their families and work that particular day by offering them time-and-a half wages and free turkey dinner.
Does it work? Apparently so since you always see news video of Black Friday shoppers coming to blows over this season’s latest new toy. This news footage also gives new meaning to that old Beastie Boyslyric, “fight for your right to party.”
Over the years I’ve totally turned into an indifferent shopper. Even when it comes to the purchasing that hot new pair of skis or some item of clothing I want. Basically just walk into the store, pick the item up off the rack, and check my wallet to see if I’ve got enough Dead Presidents to pay for it. Walk up to the counter, buy the item, and hit the door. In-Out; Badda-Bing, Badda-Boom. All that time spent comparison-shopping, looking at different styles, color, size, and price? Not for me. I’m wasting valuable time that could be spent creating non-sensical word arrangements like this one.
Thankfully everyone is different, and a lot of people love to shop. For them there’s nothing better than spending the majority of their weekend wandering the local mall to pick up all sorts of commodities. That’s half the fun of it, finding that one particular item they just can’t imagine living without.
