Embracing Your Inner Hell Spawn
October 31, 2014Obsession of the Purchasing Sort
November 28, 2014Now for something totally different. Two months ago I participated in a play writing workshop that had all the students finish up the course by writing a 10-minute play. Even though none of us was actually required to carry out the task, I figured “What the Hell” and finished the script in my spare time. Here it is folks, have fun.
Mouth Wide Open
The following 10-minute play takes place in a sparsely decorated setting with a single lit (from four angles) patina sculpture in the center of the stage. Our two main actors (and the only ones in the play) emerge from the darkness stage left. Each is wearing a non-descript sweater over a pair of blue jeans and sneakers. Both are of average height and build. The creator of the sculpture has dishwater blond hair while his buddy has shoulder length dark brown hair. The artist’s personality can best be described as somewhat pompous, a bit sanctimonious, but also fairly quiet and slightly clueless. His friend on the other hand, is very easy going. Deriving great joy from teasing his friend and a bit savvier about the ways of the world. He also pretends to be examining the piece like he knows what he’s doing. In actuality he doesn’t know all that much about the world of art. The creator continues to watch his buddy attentively, thinking he’s an expert.
Scene 1:
Bentley: “What the Hell. Got any more of the drug you were on
When you created this.”
Reginald: “This piece took me a long time to design and sculpt.
The work is very existential.”
Bentley: (Sarcastically) “I hope it is. I guess you can use
That as an excuse. Sounds legitimate I suppose.”
Reginald: “The main figure captures the essence of drought
coming to an end.”
Bentley: “So is that why his mouth is wide open? The guy needs
to capture as much moisture falling out of the sky as possible, right?”
Reginald: “That thought occurred to me when I created it.”
Bentley: “So is the guy supposed to be off the rez?”
Reginald: “Yes, how’d you know?”
Bentley: “Lucky stab in the dark. You got any Indian blood in
you? The guy looks sort of Gallic to me.”
Reginald: “My great grandfather used to run a trading post on
Southern Ute reservation.”
Bentley: “So it’s his fault all those bug infested blankets
got sold to them.”
Reginald: “Damn, hadn’t thought about that.”
Bentley: “You know something, you’re actually pretty talented.
(Under his breath– For a guy who’s mentally
challenged.”)
Reginald: “Beg pardon?”
Bentley: “Oh nothing. Something caught in my throat.”
Reginald: “This piece is one in a series of sculptures related
to drought in the southwest.”
Bentley: (Pretending to act interested) “I see. So
where are the other ones?”
Reginald: “I’m still working on them.”
Bentley: “Long term project.”
Reginald: “I haven’t had time to develop anything beyond this
piece in the past five or six years.”
Bentley: “Real long term then.”
Reginald: “Creativity takes time.”
Bentley: “Kind of like a monstrous bowel movement. Guess I can
sort of relate.”
Reginald: “You like to tease me, don’t you?”
Bentley: “Why not. Life is so boring and ribbing you
on a regular basis helps to pass the time. It’s almost too much fun.”
Reginald: (a perplexed look painted all over his face). “Thank
you. I guess.”
Bentley: “Hey Reg., anybody ever expressed an interest in
buying the piece?”
Reginald: “A few folks.”
Bentley: “How much you asking for it?”
Reginald: “I don’t know, $3,500.00”
Bentley: “Interesting.”
Reginald: “How so?”
Bentley: “I think you’re under-charging for it.”
Reginald: (Perplexed look) “3,500.00 is cheap?
Bentley: Don’t under-sell yourself.”
Reginald: “How much should I ask for it?”
Bentley: “You’ve clearly deluded yourself into thinking I
know about this stuff. I act like I do, but I don’t. How about $5,000.00?”
Reginald: (Surprised look on his face) “Damn!!”
Bentley: “Why not. If you can get it, ask for it. P.T. Barnum
was right.”
Reginald: “You think?”
Bentley: “I know.”
Reginald: “So what should I do now?”
Bentley: “Everything is marketing these days, don’t you agree?”
Reginald: “What do I do?”
Bentley: “Basically I’m expected to do everything short of
sculpting the piece, aren’t I? Dirty job, but I guess I’ll do it. First thing first, take a picture of the thing. Then get it out there into the greater world of promotion.”
Reginald: “Ok.”
Bentley: “I want 40% of the profits by the way. I’d say 60%,
but I’m feeling magnanimous. You’re so lucky.”
Reginald: “Thanks.”
Bentley: “Got a Website?”
Reginald: “What for?”
Bentley: “It’s probably a good idea if you want to sell the
work. I suppose I should get one too. Then
again I don’t have anything to sell. Other than
my infinite pool of genius.”
Reginald: “Can you help me set up a website?”
Bentley: “You really want me too? Man have I got you fooled.”
Reginald: “You’re always teasing me, but I trust you.”
Bentley: “Thanks. I guess.”
END?