Confessions of a Bedridden Slug
September 5, 2014
Irving Thackerman Parking Lot Impressario (Short Story – Part II)
September 26, 2014
Now for something slightly different. Today’s posting is the first part of a three part short story I’m going to post to the blog. Part II will go on the blog next Friday, and the final segment will make it two weeks from now. This is a short story that was originally published in a chap book two summers ago. As usual the publisher paid me the equivalent of the Bhutanese naval budget for it, and recognition was the same as that of a garbage man winning the “Employee of the Year” award in Cleveland.
Turns out that the doc told me a week and a half ago that I still can’t put any weight on the leg that sustained the broken heel. I’m stuck waiting another two weeks (maybe longer?). That coupled with a few other things has cut into my writing time to an extent. Hence the previously written short story. This one is lots of fun so here’s hoping you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Word Count: 696
Irving Thackerman – Parking Impresario
Some people won’t admit it, but they love saying they’re an expert at something. The type of person people look up to as “the” authority on a subject no other person has even the slightest knowledge of. In some cases, the subject is so obscure that no one really cares that this person happens to be a specialist.
This was the situation for Irving Thackermnan, a city of Los Angeles employee in the enclosed car department, or “Automobile parking” if one wants to get technical. A trivial topic if ever there was one, and the subject of no documentaries. Maybe the ones you see on the History Channel at 3:00 am when they need to fill programming space.
Irving never intended to be a City hireling for thirty-three years. He figured he’d work in L.A. for a year, then go back to school to pursue his interests in kitchen appliance design. Followed of course by a rewarding career as a distributor of stand-up freezers and self-sanitizing trash compactors. Low expectations concerning the future basically.
But that didn’t happen. Ostensibly because he met Doris; his chef, maid, and companion for the next thirty-two years. The parking Bureau job was a steady paycheck.
They thought about making their live-in arrangement legal by tying the knot, but Doris’ best friend told her the apocalypse was coming. The U.F.O. cult they both belonged to specifically stated that only unmarrieds would be returned to the mother planet.
The first ten years Irving worked for the City, he labored in the accommodation wing of the parking bureau. This branch’s main task was to carry out paper work required to set aside areas adjacent to thoroughfares. Thus ensuring that residents would have spots to park their automobiles, then take advantage of a highly efficient, well-organized, mass transit system.
They accomplished this task in two major ways. First, by increasing the size of bus stop benches along all major routes, and secondly by purchasing more land holdings along sides of the freeways. This would guarantee that every major freeway in the L.A. Basin would increase in both width and size.
The directive to enhance the size of bus stop benches (which Irving had a hand in) would end up having a positive secondary advantage. By increasing the overall bench size, they inadvertently anticipated an increase to the size of people’s derrieres. Years later the cities’ transit director would compliment Irving for expecting this to happen.
The increase to the size of the cities freeways wouldn’t be quite as positive an
enhancement. In time, it led to the creation of a massive system of roadways interconnecting all parts of southern California. This of course forced people to use individual driving for most of their transportation needs.
This wasn’t Irving’s problem though. A staff shake-up resulted in him being transferred into another department within the parking bureau. Since he was a small fish in a big ocean, this duties change didn’t have much of an effect upon his overall status within city government. His obscurity continued to be a guarantee as most people still didn’t know his first name, let alone whether or not his transfer would influence operation of the department.
The decade he spent working in the allocation wing of the parking bureau did enhance his overall knowledge of the subject. Slowly, but surely Irving Thackerman was getting more and more learned concerning the “ins” and “outs” of automobile parking. The next transfer would bring that knowledge to an even higher level.
As part of the cities efforts to improve its appearance, the design and installation of new parking structures became an entire department within the Bureau. Irving’s great grandmother happened to be Cree Indian, and the City of L.A.’s parking director desperately needed to increase the number of minorities working for him. Additionally, a strong urge to hire from within influenced his decision to grab Thackerman up directly during a big staff shake-up. The parking Structure Director was also one of those who didn’t know Thackerman’s first name, so he came across the Cree background knowledge while perusing staff files.
End (Part I)
