Linguistically Challenged (Part II)
December 27, 2013
Not Quite Like it Used to Be
January 24, 2014
I was unsure about what to publish to today’s posting. The usual clueless conundrum concerning what to write about on the blog. Then I got up to fix myself a snack, saw a photo caption in the local paper entitled, “A Little Bit Off the Top”, and the idea just popped into the head. Nice how those sorts of things happen isn’t it?
Word Count: 789
More than a Little
Off The Top
For some guys what’s the first indication that the inevitable march of time is catching up to them? Usually when they’re in their mid-30’s and casually pay a visit to the local barbershop with the intention of getting their ears lowered. The person doing the scalp manicuring casually mentions that there are a few flecks of grey in that pile of hair slowly accumulating on the floor. Reactions can vary depending upon the individual. Since we’re in a public forum, the person sitting in the chair generally does one of two things: 1. Casually brushes the comments off and doesn’t think anything of it. Or 2. Also casually brushes the barber’s statements off, only to get home and immediately start crying like a Crack addict who’s just learned their supplier moved out of state.
For other dudes it’s the first time they look at themselves in the mirror while shaving. Only to notice that there’s less of the filament material on top of their head than there was the previous day. A select few suddenly panic when they discover this and curse the Gods because life is so unfair. Others have been forewarned that this aging phenomenon might happen, and when it does they don’t get too upset about the fact. I’m squarely entrenched in this camp.
In my case it happened at the tender age of seven during a trip to California. While looking through an old family photo album from the China days we came across a picture of my grandparents on their wedding day. My grandfather was duded out in his Portuguese Shanghai army uniform and even though he had a cap on his head a cousin noted that without it, his head was as bald as a pinball cue. My uncle upon hearing this instantly instilled some nightmarish anxiety in me and commented that this physical transformation was what I had to look forward to when I reached adulthood. Needless to say I had a restless of sleep that night.
Lots of guys come up with all sorts of ways to hide the fact that they’re going bald. One of my friends shaves his entire head in a valiant attempt to tell everyone that as long as some on top is missing then why not cut off the rest of the hair follicles on his head and remove all doubts. Another uncle used to let the hairs on one side of his head grow. Then comb them back over the top to make it look like there’s something there. In actuality it’s more barren than a field that’s just been inundated with a heavy dosage of pesticides.
Then there’s the classic toupee scam, which another uncle successfully pulled off for over fifteen years. Successful at least in that he managed to fool me during all that time. I’ll never forget the first time I saw him without his trusty rug draped over the top of his scalp. Another shock to my extremely young and naïve system.
Although I don’t entirely shave my head, I do try to keep it short. Since my follicles are naturally curly, they tend to fluff out when the mat starts to get any sort of length to it. This lack of filaments on top subsequently creates a “Bozo the Clown” image when the hair on the sides grows beyond a certain length. Better to leave most folks guessing rather than totally confirming their suspicious. In this case maybe you can indeed judge a book by its cover?
So basically what it boils down to is this: I’ve more or less learned to accept the current situation with the top of my head. Not much I can do about it other than to try and figure out new and innovative ways to hide the fact. Life is too short and I’m not really that interested in doing that.
On the other hand, lots of guys have gotten pretty successful at concealing what they’ve got (or don’t have in most cases). Think about it, when’s the last time you were totally shocked to discover an over-zealous paparazzi photo of a Hollywood celebrity. The guy has less up above than an Eskimo has cocoanuts? Basically these photos have become so common that when you see them on TV or off a celebrity website its lost any sort of shock value it might’ve had. Who really cares? Totally an attraction thing.
Then again, sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and think a little bit more on top might be a nice touch. What person isn’t a little bit vain? Plus it’s Human nature. That’s my excuse and I’m planning to hold onto it.
