15 Reasons to Save During Our Incredible Fall Sale
October 18, 2013
My Ongoing Commitment to a Day of Gluttony
November 15, 2013
This essay is actually a Halloween one, but I’m not publishing it till today. If we were in a Spanish speaking country today would be the “Dia de la Muerto” or “Day of the Dead” which is appropriate for the theme. Here it is, hope your Halloween was a good one!!
Word Count: 666
To Binge or Not to Binge
Are you one of those types of people who don’t really like to watch horror movies with lots of gratuitous violence in them? You know, the type of film where the protagonist and all their friends are forced to enter a haunted building. Within a matter of minutes the monsters are picking them off. The manner in which each of them dies involves lots of limbs being cut off and copious amounts of blood splattered all over the place. Of course any type of murder that happens leaves absolutely nothing to the viewer’s imagination. Creativity? We don’t need no stinkin’ creativity.
If you’re like me, the main reason you don’t really like these movies is precisely that. Creative thought as far as the way in which the murders take place or the manner in which the story itself unfolds seems to be in very short supply. Why is this? Let’s face it, if they put the story together in a more complicated manner that might increase production costs. Wouldn’t want that now would we?
I’ve always been a big fan of Alfred Hitchcock movies. The plot lines in all of his films are great because they’ve been put together with a tremendous amount of forethought. Plus you’ve got that all important “imagination” factor working in the film’s favor as well.
On the other hand, the month leading up to Halloween represents a different sort of reasoning for me. I actually derive a great deal of pleasure out of wasting inordinate amounts of time watching slasher flicks on the tube. Maybe I shouldn’t admit this, but a sadistic-like glee passes over me as I witness Biff and his college buddies biting the big one.
They’ve innocently stepped into the liar of the cold-blooded killer and inevitably each of them dies. Murder victims tend to meet his or her maker in all sorts of gratuitous ways as the story progresses. Have the producers used this as a hook to get the audience? Probably.
Why is it always that a single person steps away from the group and volunteers to search for the missing member of their party? Are they doing this to impress a good-looking female they’re attracted to in the group? Obviously.
This also makes you wonder, does this represent some sort of weird intuitive desire on their part to be the dynamic individualist? Or quite possibly each of them thinks they can solve the mystery of the missing persons by using their own unique brand of deductive reasoning. They’re convinced it works, despite what their older sister says about them having been adopted and therefore mentally challenged. Abandoned inside a dumpster because the biological parents had a bad feeling about the kid.
Soon the killer is picking them off one by one. Basically it’s only a matter of time before we’re seeing more blood than a vampire breaking and entering episode at the local blood bank.
Any avoidance of death only takes place in the case of the group’s handsome leader. This person also manages to solve the mystery of the haunted house in a neatly packaged display of their genius by the end of the film.
Of course, “variety is the spice of life” so we need lots of plot variations. These include (but are not limited to): lawnmower murderer, the evil scientist, disgruntled factory worker, sharknado, and the ever-popular emotionally detached teenager. The possibilities are endless.
Now you may be asking yourself (maybe you aren’t), how does the author of this analysis know so much about the way these stories are explained? Simple movie buffs, this time of the year requires him to spend large amounts of time watching the Sci-Finetwork or other similar horror fan=boy television stations. It’s a dirty job, but he’s willing to make the supreme sacrifice in this situation. Actually when you think about it, somebody has to do this so it’s very noble of him to volunteer for the task.
