The Great Summer Wildflower Hike
August 9, 2013
The Movie Obsession Pipeline (Silverton Style)
September 6, 2013
This essay was written earlier in the summer in response to a friend of mine complaining about having to waste inordinate amounts of time each day sitting in traffic. Since I don’t have to deal with this situation living in a rural Colorado mountain town, it made me laugh listening to his steady stream of rants and raves.
Additionally, I’m going to be doing the volunteer taxi driving thing next weekend for the Telluride Film Festival and year in and year out it’s always fun listening to people from L.A. complaining about last week’s traffic jam their lives were subjected to.
Word Count: 746
Constructive
Daydreaming
Some of us can agree that being stuck in traffic should be looked at as a golden opportunity to use your precious time constructively. Whether it’s checking something off the Internet you should’ve done last week, making business related phone calls, or complaining-which is what most of us end up doing. Not as creative, but oftentimes it satisfies some sort of deep-seated rage. Therefore it’s much easier to carry out.
You were running late before you even pulled out of the parking lot at your stimulating job as an accounts receivable analyst, and now you can tack another half hour onto that. Basically unless you can get home by traveling faster than the speed of light, which Einstein theorizes forces you to flow backwards through time, you’re screwed. How nice.
Since we’ve decided that there really isn’t much you can do about the situation why not carry out some constructive daydreaming? Yeah, that’s it, the type of mind wandering where you can think about all sorts of stuff other than your impending non-rendezvous with the clock.
What’s for dinner this evening? Didn’t your significant other say something about preparing a special meal for the family just because of who you are? God’s gift to the world of notable human beings? Actually this sounds highly implausible, but since the scenario is taking place inside your mind we’ll go with that.
What about Mexican food? The prospect of all those different tastes and textures actually sounds quite appealing. Plus you’ve always considered cuisine from south of the border to be quite fascinating and exotic. That alone should be your main motive for liking the stuff. Tastes good too and this is the primary reason you eat anything, right?
Unless of course you’re trying to prove a point in front of your sworn enemy and forcing yourself to eat that bowl of deep-fried cattle genitals. Slather the stuff in lots of dipping sauce. That way you can gag them down much easier.
How about envisioning what you’ll do with the earnings from that winning lottery ticket sitting on top of your dresser? Perhaps a new house for your grandmother, or financing your second cousin’s college education. Let’s be honest shall we? Everybody likes to say they’ll donate a large percentage of the money to family and/or various charities such as The American Red Cross or Amnesty International. When it comes right down to it though, you’ll end up spending some of the cash on that gold plated Alfa Romeo that does 0 to 80 in three seconds flat. We all like to say we want to contribute to a noble cause, but human nature tells us a certain percentage of the money will inevitably be invested in new and improved toys.
What that percentage is can tell us the type of personality we’re dealing with. If it’s 10% or 20% then the individual is probably a normal, well-adjusted member of society. If it’s 90% then you should keep these folks away from your daughter. Placed them squarely in the devil spawn category.
Speaking of improving the character of the individuals you hang out with, isn’t it about time for you to welcome that new neighbor to your town? Wasn’t it just a month ago they moved into that house next door (or was it three months ago)? The guy hasn’t set up a crack lab in the back yard, so he’s probably a good person. Kind of reserved actually. Then again, those are usually the types who build NRA-approved basements and finally go postal. Happens all the time, “He was always such a quiet young man, kept to himself.”
Admit it, you wish the boss were a little bit more like your neighbors don’t you? Unfortunately he’s the exact opposite. As loud and overbearing as the guy next door is quiet and unassuming. Thank God you only have to deal with the jerk in minor situations like the weekly board meetings and occasionally when you bump into each other at the water cooler. Can you imagine having to interact with him in a regular social situation outside work? Could give new meaning to the term, “With friends like that, who needs enemies.”
Hey, looks like traffic is finally thinning out. You’ll only get home two hours after you thought. Well at least you were able to constructively iron out some important matters. Fortunately your mind doesn’t aimlessly wander like most people tend to do.
