Drone Usage for Ulterior Motives Short Story
April 15, 2016
My Reality of Liquid Environs
May 13, 2016
This is a short story I wrote a few months ago that I submitted to a literary contest out on the west coast. Unfortunately, it didn’t make the cut in terms of becoming a winner with its accompanying recognition, etc. etc.. Rather than let it sit on my hard drive without anyone ever having read it, I’m posting the tale to my blog for all you readers to enjoy. A little bit different, but isn’t that to be accepted when it comes to yours truly?
Word Count: 2121
Desperate Times Call for
Innovative, but Bizarre Solutions
I guess this isn’t so bad. At least I’ve got a roof over my head and three squares a day. Not such a nasty predicament. Could be worse, could be begging for spare change outside the #409-B Terminal and getting domestic inside a cardboard container. Too bad I just helped Eddie next door discard that box his new washing machine came in. All in all it might come in handy a few months down the line when I’m leafing through grocery store dumpsters for that evening’s entrée. Using a shopping cart to wheel my valuable reclamation items in. Got to save the environment by recycling don’t you know.
Then again, at the end of every month we’ve still got “Fillmore Fast Buck-Landlord from Hell” breathing down our necks to give him next month’s rent. Theoretically I should contribute my share of living accommodation money. Makes you wonder whether Fast Buck ever had to fight for anything in his life. Probably not, unless you count those extra Dead President she needs to get a head on his boat payments.
So what’d I do to get kicked to the curb? Actually nothing when you get right down to it. Always showed up to work on time every day. Took only the minimal amount of vacations. Did what they asked of me, even though some of those requests from upper management seemed more like orders from a troop that would make Walking Dead Zombies look like a pack of geniuses.
Even came up with some new software and its subsequent marketing strategies that didn’t cross over into the realm of absurdist theatre. Pretty good when you consider that some folks think of me as living in my own little alternate reality.
Last, but certainly not least, I even got a couple performance reviews that said I carried out my duties above and beyond what was expected of me. Did it make any difference? Apparently not since the guy who canned my ### looked like he was sadistically relishing it the whole time he was telling me Hasta la vista baby. Looking at it from a Buddhist perspective, he was probably a Nazi Storm trooper in a past life. Computer programmer? More like slaving away as a glorified car mechanic.
Got to come up with some sort of software I can produce and market that’ll eliminate the current unemployment predicament, but what? Guess I’ll do what most Americans carry out in these types of situations; ignore them by engaging in something else. Going into the kitchen to make myself a sandwich usually does the trick, and even if it doesn’t so what, I’m hungry.
“So roomie,” said Myron. “You get the ignominious pink slip?”
In an attempt to look indifferent, Wendell smiled. “You got it. Now I’m footloose and living in high anxiety.”
“Things could get really desperate. What if you were totally backed into a corner.”
“I am actually.”
“No you’re not. You don’t look the part.”
“Thanks, I suppose.”
“I’m shocked. You seemed like a totally reliable employee. Always on time, always did your job. Even came up with one or two good ideas.”
“In this day and age what good is that? They probably used that as part of the excuse to fire me”
“True.”
“Now I need to figure out a new way to keep myself above water financially. Any totally innovative ideas?”
“Not really.”
“Maybe I should follow up on my threat to make the Canada move?”
“No, don’t do that. You’ve never been very productive when it comes to living in cold places. Besides, I need you around to wash the dishes.”
“Yeah, got to keep the size of our cockroach population in check. Last night I had this really wild dream about creating a new type of App. for a person’s smart phone.”
Myron suddenly perked up. “So tell all our captive listeners out there Inspector Gadget.”
“Basically it’s called, “The Perfect Traveling Companion”. In my dream you can download the App. for all sorts of vacation predicaments. It’s tailor made to assist the individual for whatever their needs and wants happen to be.”
“Like how?”
“Like in almost all my dreams I miraculously appear in all these unlikely places. In this case, I’m vacationing in the Caribbean. I wake up and look at the clock. It says 3:00 am, but I’m hungry and it occurs to me that there probably isn’t a place that’s open at that hour.”
“I hate it when I’m in a drunken stupor and that happens.”
“Anyway, I hit the trusty App. and immediately this Rastafarian dude in a 3-piece suit shows up at the door and hands me a plate of BBQ shrimp with lightly sautéed asparagus, and fingerling pasta.”
“Sort of like a pizza delivery guy only more so.”
“The food is so damn real it feels like I can taste it as my dream is unfolding.”
“But there isn’t anything to wash it down with?”
“Au contre mi Amour,” said Wendell. “A pitcher of Mango Daiquiri mix and an empty glass accompanies the entrée.”
“All because you just went to the App. Cool.”
“While I’m wolfing down my entrée, flies and other bothersome tropical insects are buzzing around my head.”
“You left your window open last night, didn’t you?”
“Maybe. I bring up the Ultimate Travel App.and right after that a local insecticide service shows up at my door and dusts the premise with a light covering of this powder that eliminates the flies.”
“At least you don’t ingest these chemicals, or maybe you did something like that before you went to bed?”
“Then all of a sudden I’m scuba diving through the remnants of a sunken Spanish Galleon. This nosy Tiger Shark is getting a little bit too close for comfort so I hit the App.. Immediately a crack team of Navy Seal-like divers appears out of nowhere and dispatches the animal faster than you can say, “Blackbeard liked wearing woman’s pantaloons under his pirate costume.”
“Wow, I didn’t know that about him? I’m sort of impressed with your knowledge of trivial facts.”
“The Navy Seal team dispatches the Tiger Shark just before it gets too nosy and takes a bite out of my derrière.”
“All because of the App.?”
“Then I’m transported to a different vacation experience. I find myself vacationing with my cousin, Robby.”
“You mean the guy who likes traveling in various Third-World Hellholes?”
“Yup. The more screwed up the place is the more fascinating he says the country happens to be.”
“So he’s one of those rebellious types who likes to have an AK47 stuck in his face while being questioned by a 14-year old authority type in the kid’s broken English.”
Wendell laughed as he said it. “He told me there’s something edgy and exciting when confronted with situations like that.”
“Hopefully not quite as precarious. How old did you say your cousin is?”
“I didn’t. Anyway, he tells me he’s hungry and I mention that I am too.”
“I’m sensing a pattern here. You went to bed and forgot to eat dinner again last night didn’t you?”
“I hit the “Ultimate Travel” App. on my phone and Robby tells me he hopes it’ll notify the correct government officials. Grease the appropriate palms as he puts it.”
“So the two of you will be guarantied a headache filled journey wherever you’re planning to travel.”
“Of course.”
“Is this dream in technicolor?”
“Incredibly vivid too. Almost like I’m participating inside some sort of movie. Right after that, a message appears at the bottom of the dream saying; “two days later..”
“Boy this la-la land hallucination of yours just keeps getting stranger and stranger.”
“We still haven’t eaten anything and we’ve built up this incredibly voracious appetite at that point. I pull out my smart phone; bring up my Ultimate Travel App., hit it, and presto chango a chicken miraculously appears right in front of us.”
“Live of course.”
“I’m traveling with my cousin Robby. Do you honestly think it’d be any other way?”
“No come to think of it.”
“The next phase of my dream has the two of us decapitating the animal, and then followed by watching it run all over the place squirting blood.”
“Glad you’ve introduced an element of teenage slasher- flick into the dream. Makes things more interesting, we don’t need it to get any stranger.”
“After de-feathering and cutting up the beast, we build a fire and watch the meat as it par-boils.”
“It almost looks somewhat edible too, and cooked over an open flame. Getting back to nature I suppose. Then you sort of eat it.”
“I think so. I distinctly remember Robby telling me as we’re sitting there that it’s a good thing the voice message on my App. contacted all the markets in the villages along our route.”
“Guaranteeing that they’ll be closed when the two of you walk through the hamlet.”
“Yup. The dream ended right after that when I woke up to confront the harsh light of morning.”
“So what does this drug free mind trip of yours through the ultimate vacation experience tell us?”
What’s he getting at? “The App. is capable of carrying out all sorts of stuff?”
Myron smiled. “Obviously. Now what you need to do is harness the idea.”
“Easy for you to say. You aren’t unemployed and staring down the precipice of homelessness.”
“You aren’t going to end up destitute. Promise. I won’t boot you to the curb if you can’t come up with your share of next month’s rent. Besides, you aren’t very good at growing facial hair. The result looks to splotchy.”
“Oh yeah, forgot that growing a beard happens to be one of the pre-requisites for living off the street. Getting back to reality, or a reasonable facsimile of it, I doubt if Fillmore Fast Buck will understand when the money you give him two weeks from now comes up short.”
“I’ll make up the difference. Not like my job as an advertising consultant doesn’t provide me with a little bit of extra cash. I trust you to get the money to me when you’re back above water.”
Wendell smiled. “Thanks. What do you mean when you say, “Harness the idea?”
“Take charge with the creation and marketing of this Ultimate Travel App..”
“Wow. You really think something like all the features in my dream are possible?”
“No, that’s basically the realm of Don Quixote – windmill attacking types and heavy hallucinogenic drug users. You really didn’t ingest anything prior to laying down for the night?”
“Nope, the dream was just the product of my vivid imagination.”
“Bit of an understatement. I’m thinking something like this App. idea of yours is possible.”
“Really, but don’t I need money to do the start-up and marketing?” Welcome to the real world, Sports-fans.
“That’s what “Crowd-Sourcing” is for. If we write up a decent proposal (minus the outlandish stuff of course), I’ll bet you end up getting all sorts of interest in your plan. Then the start-up cash will just come rolling in.”
“You say “we”? You interested in participating?”
“Sure. I’ve got faith in you. Although some individuals might consider that believing in the powers of an “imaginary” friend.”
“Isn’t that what most religion is?”
“I guess, but lets not get into that at this time. Could result in the opening of a big ‘ole can of worms.”
“Could also result in that kid from Robby’s adventures starting to follow me.”
“True. You know, different people like to take all sorts of novel vacations. Some folks like time off from the salt mine where their every want and need that comes up is catered to.”
“Sort of like an air-conditioned bus tour or a cruise?”
“Yeah exactly. Others are like your cousin and prefer to be in rough environments and confronted with predicaments where they need to find a solution that sort of works.”
“Backpack tourists basically.”
“Generally the people in this category are young.”
Wendell is so on the mark with this. “They’re better able to deal with the hardships.”
“Of course. What you need to do is figure out a vacation App. that’s catered to each person’s individual needs. I’ll help you figure it out. You can do the actual creation of the App., and then we’ll thwick it, followed by the two of us crowd-sourcing. Lastly, we’ll put icing on the cake by marketing the product and selling it.”
“Good. I need you to get involved. Since you’re sort of serious most of the time, I need you to rein in all my eccentric plans and schemes.”
“That’s a given.”
END
