Getting Your Ducks in a Row

Fall has totally kicked in, and here’s an essay about winter that I published for the first time in 2012. Changed a few things, but it’s more or less the same missive. Enjoy!!
Word Count: 868

Getting Your
Ducks in a Row

Winter is coming. At this time of the year as the days grow shorter and the nights get longer unlike some people who start to feel like the world is coming to an end, I find myself getting more and more excited. How may you ask is this possible? Everything around us is slowing down in its growth cycle, switching into hibernation mode, or even dieing? The fact that its getting colder everyday has almost everything to do with my emotional feeling as we get deeper and deeper into fall.
Colder temperatures mean we’re moving towards that form of precipitation I happen to live for during the months of December-March – Snow. Of course snow means moving over it in various forms, and my favorite happens to be with two planks of composite hybrid strapped to my feet. What the He–double hockey sticks-is he talking about? Skis for all you tropical types who don’t understand why human beings would subject themselves to such abuse.
Now is the time of the year when I start planning my strategy for the upcoming winter. I actually began thinking about it way back in late summer if you want to get technical about the situation. While we’re on the subject, I should also confess that I was slightly pushed in the excitement phase too.
Back in mid-August as I sauntered into the post office one day to pick up my snail mail, what should be waiting for me but the first issue for the 2012-13 winter season of one of my favorite ski magazines. Leafing through the pages as I sat down outside the P.O. felt kind of strange. There I was dressed in a T-shirt and shorts, wearing my casual sandals (are there any others?), with my trusty baseball cap on (Don’t leave home without it). Particularly if you happen to have hair on the top of their head like yours truly. Late summer sun was beating down on the sidewalk in all its intensity and I avoided it by sitting on a bench in the shade.
The contents of said ski magazine contained an abundant number of full-color photos from various ski nirvanas all over the globe. Young 20 and 30-something snow riders doing fantastical back-flips off cliffs that would make an Olympic gymnast jealous. More snow in the landing zone than the weather gods should be allowed to create. Other photos had them blasting through so much of the white stuff that they probably should’ve been wearing a snorkel while doing it.
My first thought upon seeing one of these outdoor mavericks pulling off these feats of strength? Yeah right, almost looks like that picture’s been extensively Photoshoped. Then again these people are young adults and just like me and my buddies when we were that age, you pretty much feel like you can walk through walls without sustaining any sort of physical injury.
Later that same day as I pedaled my bicycle through a sunset that suddenly felt like it was happening too soon in the evening, thoughts of the upcoming season started worming their way into my skull.
What sort of equipment do I currently have in my quiver of snow toys? Can I get through another winter with what I’ve got? Seeing how I’ve currently got about as much money on hand as your average cash strapped ski bum I’ll probably have to.
On the other hand, let’s put a more positive spin on the situation. I am in a better position money wise than I was at this time last year. Therefore now seems like a good moment to reassess the financial picture. A weekday ski pass to the big ski area near here, or possibly an avalanche beacon for those countless trips into the backcountry? Maybe both? No, only in a world where porcine creatures transport themselves through the sky and Mother Nature has provided us with inordinate amounts of the white stuff (and I’m not talking about the type you find in Hollywood either).
Soon after this experiencing of nonsensical, rambling thoughts, I found myself spending a little bit more of my waking moments watching the local forecast on The Weather Channel. Let’s be honest, what individual in their right mind other than house painters, people with lots of time on their hands, or total fanatics would spend parts of their day regularly watching Local On The 8’s from the Weather Channel? Surely not most sane individuals?
I still haven’t decided where I should allocate my winter toy funds, but I’m leaning heavily towards the beacon. A good one is about as expensive as almost every other item in the ski and snowboard arsenal, but you don’t mess around when it comes to avalanches. Particularly if one wants to reach the age where avoiding incontinence has become a major accomplishment.
Now the weather gods need to provide us with abundant amounts of moisture. Twenty or thirty feet this season would be about right. Dirty job sinking up to my waist as I zip my way through it, but somebody has to do it. I’m just the type of selfless individual to pull it off.
Posted 5 weeks ago by David G. Swanson writer