
David G. Swanson’s Writing Biography (1/1/21-A new year, a different type of posting!!)
January 1, 2021
The Glass is Definitely Half-Full (Essay Re-post, 866 Word count)
January 29, 2021Word Count: 1130
Legitimate Excuses to
Break Your Resolutions
Admit it. According to the standard practice, you’re either encouraged to, or in some quarters, even outright required to make all sorts of New Year’s Eve resolutions as the new year unfolds. Unfortunately, since we’re still stuck in this weird netherworld of strangeness due to the CoVid-19 Pandemic, which has lasted for ten months (feels more like 10 years…), all of us can be forgiven for not really wanting to make any sort of resolutions to try and carry out in 2021.
On the other hand, go ahead and make a resolution. If you break it, then so what. 2020 has been tough on all of us, and you’re excused if you decide to break those resolutions. In fact, you can justify not really sticking to any of your resolutions, and the consequences of the pandemic can be used as a legitimate excuse. Even if it’s only been a month or two since the actual start of the new year, and you’re well on the way to going in the opposite direction of what you intended to pull off in the first place. Break that resolution, and feel good about it. You’ve earned it buddy. Just living through 2020 entitles you.
Since you’re probably slightly bored like some of us, let’s kill some non-precious time by examining this whole resolution thing, shall we? Why is it that people are forced into a position of feeling guilty whenever it comes to the New Year? In other words, in the days leading up to New Year’s Eve, and the subsequent days right after that (or in some cases subsequent weeks), most people make all sorts of proposals for themselves. Then 9 times out of 10, they end up breaking their resolution anyway. In most cases not even a month goes by and the resolution goes the way of the Dodo Bird, a creature very few people have even heard about. Probably because it’s been extinct for over a century, which might have something to do with quite a few folks never knowing the creature existed.
So, if that’s the case, why not set resolutions for yourself that you’re guaranteed not to abandon within a month of making them? Sounds pretty good if you ask me.
The classic New Year’s resolutions are generally the usual suspects. A commitment to losing weight-and since that’s the case, trying to exercise more. Who are we kidding? Using that piece of exercise equipment for its original intent is impossible. It’s become a very handy clothing rack for one.
Cutting back on the drinking. Unless of course the individual happens to be a total teetotaler like certain folks. These people tend to make most Boy Scouts look like neighborhood heroin addicts. Plus, they’re robots anyway.
Trying to be a better parent. Totally impossible to achieve this resolution in the eyes of most teenager’s. Us members of the, “Ok Boomer” generation are remnants of the Stone Age era anyway, aren’t we? Besides, we all know that most teenagers are required by law to spend as little time as possible with their respective parental units. Unfortunately for the teen set, the pandemic has really put a damper this particular rule.
Being more productive at work. Since the pandemic has a lot of us working at home, who cares if you aren’t all that productive while working? That couch looks like a pretty good piece of furniture to use for that afternoon nap, doesn’t it?
Attempting to spend more quality time with the family. The lockdown is forcing us to see our so-called loved ones too much as it is, right? Besides, it would be really hard to pull this off when everyone and their cousin has a handy smart phone to aid in distraction purposes.
Eating more of the right foods in order to improve your diet. Most food that’s supposedly good for you has also been placed in the “Bad Taste” category. You don’t want to destroy that delicate gag reflex you’ve nurtured over the years? Didn’t think so. Besides, you don’t have a lot of these so-called, “right foods” in the pantry anyway.
Cleaning out that garage so an actual internal combustion vehicle can fit inside it. This is also impossible to achieve since it would require the actual discarding of various items you can’t imagine never wanting to part with.
Fixing and/or repairing that washer/drier once and for all. let’s be honest shall we, it hasn’t worked in four or five years anyway so it’s better to throw the damn thing away, and buy a new one. Which is basically what the mass market consumer society intelligentsia wants you to do anyway. Got to support the economic engine in these tough times.
Resolve to purchase that helicopter you’ve been threatening to buy for the past twenty years. This resolution won’t happen for three reasons; 1. You still haven’t accumulated the financial resources to reach this goal. #2. CoVid-19 has resulted in your work hours being cut back, And 3. Which totally relates back to 1. Human evolution hasn’t advanced enough yet which would allow us to live for the next three hundred years.
Getting to know your neighbor better. Once again, we’ve got our handy smart phones to aid in the breaking of this resolution. Maintain strict social distancing can be used as another valuable tool to break this resolution. Thank God, these resources are readily available to us in the first place.
Calling your mother on a regular basis. What, and finally admit she knows what she’s talking about-fat chance? Along those lines-finally contacting that sibling you haven’t spoken to since the 2019 Thanksgiving Death-Match dinner table conversation. Finally admitting you’re wrong and he/she is right-chances of that happening are one in a million at best.
And finally, the ultimate New Year’s resolution-trying mightily to hold back and respect the opposing political viewpoint when it’s being yelled at you. No way Jose, that’s virtually impossible.
No wonder almost every New Year’s resolution is impossible to keep. When the majority of them are along the lines of what we just talked about, is it any wonder almost every New Year commitment never seems to be kept? No. Fortunately, and getting back to our original argument, CoVid-19 nicely allows us to excuse ourselves.
Since that’s the case, why not make a set of resolutions for yourself that are the exact opposite of what should actually be done? That way when they do get broken (And they’re guaranteed to get broken), you won’t feel so guilty about the resolution having fallen by the wayside. The pandemic is like a silver lining to a very dark cloud. Unfortunately, the silver lining is also laced with a very high concentration of Mercury.