Voluntary Masochist (Essay – 1098 Word Count)
November 10, 2017The Year of Hiking Spectacularly (Part II-Essay, Word Count 1424)
December 8, 2017
This short story was originally sent to all sorts of literary contests and magazines with the usual no-takers (rejections), and posted to the website/blog last year at this time. A lot of people commented about how much they liked it, and I’ve decided to re-post the short story to my website because of this. The re-posting of this particular short story may become an annual thing at Thanksgiving? The inspiration for this tale (and an earlier essay) comes directly from my brother-in-law. He hates broccoli with a passion that can best be compared to that of a full-time resident of the tropics who despises snow, and only thinks of ice as an accompaniment in his soda.
Word Count: 5018
The Magical Broccoli
Dipping Sauce
Few people will admit that they like the taste of Broccoli, Cooked or raw. In fact, the majority of folks take great pride in saying that the only thing worse than having to consume a bowl of the vegetable is being locked in a prison cell. In addition to the memorable experiences you’ll have with your sadistic cellmate, the equally cruel prison guards are interrogating you for information about various secret sexual practices. The jailers are getting ready to carry out the extensive fingernail inspection phase of the operation.
Would your perception of eating the fruiting bodies of Brassica Oleracea change if I was to tell you that eating the vegetable when they’re dipped in a special sauce has the power to suspend time? Essentially by slathering broccoli spears in this magical mixture of ingredients you’re suddenly able to keep the tempo of things from continually advancing? How is this possible in a world where all children know that if something doesn’t taste good it shouldn’t be touched? Not to mention not even placed within two or three feet of your mouth?
This was indeed the situation that unfolded for a group of college buddies attempting to hold onto the remaining remnants of their youth. None of them wanted to get any older, but time has a way of forcing those hairs to grow out of your ear.
Avery Letterman, plus his mates Roderick Casey and Sanjay Sengupta had been spending inordinate amounts of time socializing with one another ever since that night they first met. Way back in 1998 all three of them were attempting to get into the Tri Delta Fraternityat the University of Oregon and found themselves knee deep in the initiation process.
A sexually perverse act of fortitude whereby each of the recruits was required to triumphantly march down the stairs of the Tri Delt House dressed in a duck costume. At least from the waist up, from the waist down you’re outfitted in your Birthday suit.
Wearing these half-costumes takes place while your girlfriend (or sister) is witnessing the entire pseudo-fashion show from a prominent position. Possibly wondering to herself why are you doing this? Concluding emphatically that you did indeed land on your head while climbing the refrigerator and subsequently fell at the age of three?
Roderick had just completed his attempt to appease the Tri Delt royalty and sat down next to Avery on his left, and Sanjay on his right. All three of them having shifted into their total post-humiliation mode. You’ve heard that old saying, ”Misery loves company.” Well it does indeed happen in situations such as this, and the three buddies have been trading war stories and adventures of various sorts ever since that ignominious night.
_______________
This latest one in the summer of 2014 was a doozy too. The trio found themselves discussing the latest discovery Sanjay had stumbled upon over a few fermented hops beverages and various artery clogging taste treats.
“No I’m serious,” said Sanjay. “I’m not capable of making up a story like this.”
A highly skeptical look painted itself all over Roderick’s face. “Your opinion buddy.”
“Did I mention that my grandmother also has a very special friend?” said Avery. “She owns lots of prime beachfront property in Greenland and she’ll sell some of it at a significantly reduced price. Interested?”
“But my Daadi (grandmother) isn’t capable of making this sort of stuff up.”
“Really?” asked Avery.
“Really. She told me about this two days ago right after I picked her up at the airport. She’s got this old Mumbai grammar school buddy who ended up becoming a priestess for some sort of Hindu sect that suspends time.”
“What?”
“You heard me. They’ve figured out a way to postpone the ravages of age.”
“Come on.” Said Roderick, even more skeptical than he was two minutes ago. “If they’ve designed a way to pull that one off then every pharmaceutical company on the face of this planet would want in on the action.”
“Yeah, what’s the deal?”
“Well for one thing, the reason very few people know about it is because the folks intimately involved in this particular cult are more secretive than MickyD’s is about its special sauce. They refuse to disclose much about their practices to anyone, let alone the general public.”
“Then how does your grandmother know about this?” asked Avery.
“This lady is a close friend of my Daadi. They’ve known each other ever since the two of them were begging for pocket change on the streets of Mumbai. Daadi is constantly sending her E-mails about life in the states, and she keeps us updated about what’s happening back home. It’s sort of like a mutual one-ups-man-ship set up.”
“Ok, how about some details Inspector Clouseau?” asked Avery.
Sanjay hesitated. “Apparently Daadi says that if you eat certain types of vegetables-“
“Vegetables? Damn, why’d it have to be rabbit food,” said a disappointed Roderick. Who generally tried to avoid this form of nutrient enrichment like the plague, and considered all foods in this category to be green spears of death.
“Before I was so rudely interrupted I was about ready to say that if you eat certain vegetables in raw form it slows down or even reverses time.”
“Uncooked?” asked Avery.
“Raw.”
Roderick raised his hand to get the attention of the waitress, figuring another round of beers was in order. This higher inebriation level would make it easier to believe what Sanjay was about to say. “Sounds like Einstein’s Theory of Relativity gone berserk.”
“It is when you think about it. The practice is called “Time Suspension” or Samaya Nilambana. Very invisible, Daadi tells me her friend and all the people in this cult act like paranoid schizos. whenever the subject comes up.”
“How nice. Obviously, a pleasant bunch to hang out with.”
“You make this sauce with a combination of three types of chilies, onions, various spices, and a special curry paste. Then you add the magical powder to the whole shooting match. It has to be imported from the foothills of the Northern India.”
“So how we supposed to get all these wonderful ingredients chef Sanjerk?” asked Avery.
“Yeah Sanjay. You gonna pay for the plane fare to fly one of us over there to steal some?”
“No. Daadi brought almost everything we need back with her. Problem solved boys.”
“The curry paste?”
“She didn’t even have to stuff any of that in her suitcase. We buy it at the same store Daadi and my mom go to all the time.”
“What’d your grandmother have to do in order to bring some of the sorcery sauce back? Bribe her friend I’ll bet?”
Sanjay actually got a little annoyed with Roderick when he said it. “Of course not. I told her it’d be really cool if someone could figure out a way to slow the aging process down. She winks and says she’d see what she could discover during the trip to accommodate me.”
“So, you had no idea about this till a few days ago?”
“Nope. When I drove to the airport to pick up Daadi, she smiles and says the trip was a total success. Talks about her friend, the cult, and this special dipping sauce. Then she pulls the magical powder out of her bag and here we are.”
“Cool. Now we’ve got all the ingredients so Let’s mix up a batch and try it out boys. What we got to lose? Think you can handle eating some raw vegetables Roderick?”
“Tough job, but I guess I’m willing to make the sacrifices.” He was still nervous. “There aren’t any strange side effects Sanjay?”
“Yeah Sanjerk,” said Avery. “Use of this stuff doesn’t cause a person to age in reverse. My childhood was quite traumatic. Not enough sugar in my diet.”
“Daadi didn’t say there’s any, so I guess we’re golden.”
_______________
Not quite. When the mystic/shaman/magician Ranjeet Chatterjee first formulated, and then experimented with a way to suspend time in 466 AD he noted a strange side effect. Not only did the powder he’d created postpone the inevitable march of things, but it also slowed everything else around it to a tempo that would make a common garden slug look like a hummingbird.
He noted this right after he’d poured some of the powder into his horses’ watering bucket and the animal galloped towards him at a glacial-like pace. The beast then reared up on its hind legs, jumped into the air, did a back flip, and landed in a standing position over a cowering Ranjneet.
The creature must’ve been very agitated about what was happening to it since the beast then emptied its bladder in a shower of liquid excitement. Something you probably don’t want to be crouching underneath for obvious reasons.
Luckily all of this also took place in slow motion since Ranjeet was just barely able to roll out from underneath the animal in time to avoid being rained upon. The horse took an inordinate amount of time to relieve itself and Ranjeet watched the incident unfold in unusually perverse curiosity.
Following this bizarre unfolding of events, Ranjeet decided to tweak what he’d created. He found that by altering the percentages of certain ingredients in the sauce he was able to either speed up, or slow down the pace of whatever it was applied to. All of it while still taking place at molasses-like speed.
Ranjeet knew that no one in his immediate family circle would believe what he’d just discovered, so in order to continue his testing he decided to carry out lots experiments on himself. This led him to take an odyssey to northern India and one of the Bhimbetka Rock Shelters. A cave in the foothill region of the Himalayans near one of the headwater streams for the mighty Ganges River. During the ten years he perfected his time suspension sauce he obtained all his water from only this stream. Did the fact that the Ganges happens to be the most significant river in the Hindu religion have anything to do with this? Who knows? The close proximity of the stream to the Bhimbetka Caves probably didn’t hurt either.
Ranjneet ended up settling into life in his cave, carrying out all sorts of experiments and living as a hermit. One of the things he discovered was that this suspension of time only took place when he slathered the sauce on certain types of raw vegetables and nothing else. Primarily cruciferous vegetables like cauliflower, cabbage, and broccoli.
This didn’t bother Ranjeet since he happened to be a vegetarian, fairly common at that time on the Indian subcontinent. Most carnivores were as prevalent in 5th century India as that last run-in Ranjeet had with his friendly neighborhood Himalayan Yeti.
Had he known that someone over a thousand years later would be philosophically opposed to the practice of eating planet food he might’ve carried out more experimentation. Would he have cared that a Westerner named Roderick Casey didn’t like the consumption of vegetables? Probably not.
During Ranjeet’s time in isolation almost everyone in Jaipur, the provincial capital where he lived prior to the caves, assumed he’d disappeared off the face of the earth and was therefore dead. On the day he reappeared though, Ranjeet was celebrated like a returning hero and the myth of his mystical energies ballooned from there.
Ranjeet added to the legacy by showing the incredible power of his time suspension sauce to the members of one Hindu religious sect. At first, they were enthusiastic about what he showed them. Instead of revealing all its secrets to the general public though, the disciples chose to keep it under wraps as much as possible.
Ranjeet was all right with this as he figured something like his time suspension sauce was too amazing for it to be revealed to outsiders. That’s the way things stayed for the next fifteen hundred years and they probably would’ve remained a guarded secret if it weren’t for Tamira Bhatnagar.
Tamira had always been a bit of a gossip and keeping things secret wasn’t the easiest task for her. Basically, tantamount to using her bicycle as the main mode of transport during her occasional trips to America for visits with her friend Darika Malik.
_______________
Sanjay liked it whenever his grandmother visited him on those occasions when his parents were away. She felt that he was incapable of feeding himself, and she wasn’t far off. Daadi always brought food with her when she showed up. Sanjay on the other hand, had just celebrated his thirty fourth birthday and figured he wouldn’t have any trouble taking care of himself. He wanted to maintain the facade of continuing to look and act helpless though, and after all these years had managed to keep Daadi fooled. His ruse was obviously working.
Her latest visit was a good one too. Darika brought a big pot of Mutter Paneer Curry, which was enough to feed the two of them plus Avery. Sanjay called and told him to conveniently show up right after Darika had made her entrance. Act stupid; which Sanjay figured wouldn’t be too much of a stretch for his buddy.
The kitchen table of Sanjay Sengupta’s household:
“Daadi I’ll tell you the same thing I’ve told mom and dad,” said Sanjay.
“What’s that?” asked Avery as he stopped for a moment to catch his breath between food shoveling.
“I like being single. Why do you think my life is so incomplete because I’m not married?”
“I want grandchildren Sanjay dear.”
“I like kids too, but you probably shouldn’t pin your hopes on me. Vegas bookmakers won’t give you very good odds.”
“Your best bet is Sanjay’s sister, Falguni, Mrs. Malik.”
“Thank you, Avery. My Sanjay is so lucky to have you as a good friend and companion. You’re such a wonderful person.”
Sanjay glared at his friend in total disagreement.
Avery sarcastically smiled at his buddy. “Hear that Sanjay my boy. You ought to listen to what your grandmother has to say more often. She’s a very perceptive judge of character. Might do you some good if you’re planning on improving your existence on this planet.”
“Yeah right. I’ve already got more comic relief in my life than I need or want.”
“We really appreciate your efforts to provide us with that time suspension powder too Mrs. Malik. Was it very difficult bringing some of it back with you?”
“Not really Avery. My friend Tamira snuck some out from her Hindu sect’s temple storage locker. She isn’t very good at keeping things secret and she’s been telling me about this time postponement practice of her organization for many years.”
“Then when you told to her about our desire to slow down the aging process she decided to help us out. Next time you talk to your friend tell her thanks for us Daadi.”
“I shall Sanjay. As a matter of fact, I’m going to talk to her this evening. I need to be departing from you gentleman at this time so I can do that. Do you want me to leave the rest of this Mutter Paneer for you Sanjay?
Sanjay figured he didn’t need to tell his grandmother water does indeed flow downhill.
“Return the container when you’re finished.”
“Thanks Daadi.”
Darika got up and left. Now the guys could finally rib one another with impunity like they normally do.
“Yeah Sanjerk. Make sure you bring the pot back to her in a semi-clean condition.”
“You mean I can’t return it to her like I normally keep most of my kitchen utensils?”
“Probably not. Although keeping your kitchen in the shape it’s in does cut down on having to buy pet food for your cockroaches every time you go to the grocery store.”
“There you go, making fun of my domestic animal practices again.”
“Over sized fleas don’t count,” said Avery. “Although I did catch you trying to build a shoebox house for your collection last time I was here. Don’t you think that container was a little too small for all the individuals in your assemblage?”
“Maybe. So, when we going to try out the sauce?”
“How about tomorrow? Roderick told me he’s planning on bringing a bottle of mouthwash with him. That way he said it would cut down on the nasty aftertaste of the veggies.”
Sanjay cleared a spot on the counter for his grandmother’s pot. “Sounds good, let’s use your place Aves. That way when we try out the sauce in the living room we’ll have lots of space.”
“All we’ll have to do is clear the toys. Megan and the kids are spending the weekend at her mom’s house so we won’t have anybody staring at us when the stuff kicks in.”
“Then it’s all set. Anything else we should do before trying this out?”
“Don’t think so. Maybe say “goodbye” to your family. What if this stuff causes us to age backwards and we start fighting over my kid’s play-things.”
“Dibs on Murray’s toy cars. A miniature is probably as close as I’ll ever get to a Rolls Royce.”
_______________
Everything was in place, and all three of them desperately wanted the dipping sauce to somehow slow down the inevitable march of time. Additionally, Avery looked in the mirror that morning and decided it would be nice to bring back most of the hair he’d already lost on top of his head. Roderick still wondered why this time suspension thing had to involve eating his favorite food to despise.
In the back of his mind, Sanjay was scared that something might go wrong when they tried to cheat the clock. What if it worked in reverse and all three of them started aging at lighting speeds right in front of each other’s eyes? In a manner two or three minutes Avery would lose what little hair he still had left. Then Roderick’s intestinal system would have a violent reaction to all those vegetables he had just gagged down.
Roderick’s imagination kicked in big time; Instead of getting younger looking, my face will turn green and expand into a collection of cruciferous bulges. The changes are permanent and I end up joining the circus. Fortunately, I’m able to achieve a modicum of success as Plant Faced Boy.
Sanjay on the other hand, got philosophical about the situation. What’s so bad about getting older in the first place? Of course it happens to everybody. Sometimes you even get a discount if you go to certain restaurants and bars. Nobody asks you for your ID anymore and if they do, you pull the Baseball cap off your head and answer their question by asking them what they think about all the grey hairs? This strategy works particularly well in Avery’s baldness case.
That still doesn’t justify it happening to all three of us. Maybe we should feel fortunate that I’ve chanced upon a possible solution to the problem. Boy wouldn’t be more than cool if it even slightly works.
Then Sanjay started reminiscing about the good “ole days. Roderick refers to them as the, “Walk through Walls 20’s”. Back in the glorious 90’s all of them felt like they could walk into and out of physical barriers all the time with impunity. What a great feeling to do almost anything and feel there’s no possible way any of them would end up sucking that steak they’re about to eat through a straw.
Be great if the process transforms all three of us back to the way we were in 1993. Young, strong, and somewhat virile. What the Hell? Might as well try it and see what happens. What’ve we got to lose, other than certain physical mutations if the process backfires?
_______________
“So, I considered your aversion to plant based nourishment and organized a special plate for us,” said Sanjay.
“What’s that?” asked Roderick.
“I’ve arranged a platter with all sorts of vegetables for us to consume. Turnips, Rutabaga spears, Brussels sprouts, everybody’s favorite-lots of Broccoli. I even visited that stall in downtown Portland and bought some Chinese cabbage for the occasion.”
“Oh boy. That still doesn’t take away the fact that this stuff tastes like spackling paste.”
“Spackling paste is a regular part of your diet,” said Avery. “I had my suspicions. As for you Sanjerk, this platter you’ve arranged looks quite festive. I like the chive accents, nice touch. What’d you do, watch a bunch of reruns of “Martha Stewart Living?”
The boys brought out all the ingredients and started mixing them. Sanjay even promised his grandmother he’d glance around before they started. Make sure nobody was spying on them while they tried to cheat nature.
“Did your grandmother say we need to say anything?” asked Roderick.
“What you talking about?”
“You know. Invoke some sort of Hindu spell or mantra where we repeat the same three words over and over again.”
Avery jumped in. “Yeah, then once the incantations kick in the pupils of our eyes disappear, and our corneas bulge out. Right after that, we start bouncing off the walls like three year olds after their grandparents have taken them to the chocolate Shoppe.”
“Nope. Just mix the sauce up, dip the vegetables in it, and start gulping them down.”
“Gosh Roderick,” said Avery. “You look like a Reds Sox’s Nation fan forcing themselves to cheer for the Yankees in the World Series. Why’s that?”
He soon found out why. They started stirring up the curry paste and it looked like yellowish green Gerber Baby Food. Didn’t taste quite as palatable though. Then they began dipping their veggies in it and munching. Followed by waiting like impatient toddlers on Christmas Eve. For the next two hours the sun still continued its path westward, the sky remained blue, and water still felt wet. Basically nothing changed.
“So Sanjerk,” asked Avery. “How long does it take for this stuff to kick in?”
“How should I know?”
“Maybe you need to talk to your grandmother and find out,” said a concerned Roderick. “We don’t have to subject ourselves to any more rabbit food?”
Avery glanced over at Roderick. “I don’t mind eating it because we’re supposed to, but I’m not the biggest fan of the stuff either. Vegetarians have got it all wrong.”
_______________
So, what exactly happened? More appropriately, what didn’t happen when they dabbled with the special dipping sauce? The next day Sanjay visited his grandmother. Specifically to ask why the time suspension process didn’t turn back the ravages of age. He was slightly disappointed, but didn’t mind it too much. Sanjay found those new flicks of gray in his hair distinctive.
“Daadi, yesterday we tried out the time suspension sauce and it didn’t work. What went wrong?”
“Why do you think you did anything wrong Sanjay dear.”
“Nothing changed.”
“Nothing?”
“Naada, zilch, things stayed the same.”
“Let me talk to my friend, see what she has to say.”
Soon after that:
“Sanjay dear, are you still planning on making that trip to the Asia next month?”
“Yup. Avery and I finally convinced Roderick he should go. Showed him a few pictures of beaches in Tahiti, then told him he didn’t have to eat anything he didn’t want to. Why?”
“My friend Tamira thinks you should change your plans and travel to India directly. She’ll arrange for you to meet with members of her sect.”
“Possibility. We’ll have to do a lot arm twisting to change Roderick’s mind. He’s looking forward to all that snorkeling we were planning on doing. Say’s he always wanted to see what it’s like to hang out inside a fish tank.”
“Tamira says you need to talk to her friends. They can explain why your time suspension didn’t work.”
“We’ll consider it. Always wanted to see the Himalayas.”
_______________
The first inkling they had that something was different happened a day after they’d arrived in Delhi when none of them experienced any sort of jet lag. All of them expecting to find themselves wide-awake at 2:00 am, but that didn’t happen. Then Avery tried to use the excuse that he was still suffering from the after effects of their flight as a reason to take an afternoon nap. This didn’t work either when he lied down to slip into La-la land and discovered himself laughing about Roderick’s decision to go on a diet instead. Things got stranger as they were stepping onto the train that would take them to Jaipur.
Their meeting with the members of Tamira’s religious sect took place soon after they arrived. At first the assembly was slightly uncomfortable because Tamira had to explain how and why three Americans got a hold of some time suspension powder in the first place.
Arguments took place in Hindi, and everyone involved was acting highly demonstrative. Sanjay did know a few words of the language, but they were speaking at a lightning fast pace. Which basically meant they could’ve been talking about the sect’s plans to have the Americans drawn an quartered and he wouldn’t have understood. None of the guys knew what the Hell they were yelling at Tamira about.
All they knew was that Tamira was surviving her inquisition. She even played the role of translator during the next phase of the discussion. A talk involving the three guys, Tamira, and two of the sect’s more prominent members, Ednit Banerjee and Pandita Iyengar.
“Thanks for allowing us to meet with you,” said Sanjay in a valiant attempt to sound humble. “We wanted to experiment with your time suspension powder primarily because we were curious about it’s incredible after affects.”
“We didn’t mean to offend anyone,” said Roderick in another lame attempt to sound subdued. “Thank you for providing us with this opportunity.”
“Mrs. Bhatnagar should not have provided you with some of the powder to bring about this time postponement,” said Ednit Banerjee in his native Hindi. A good thing too since this kind of took the edge off his comments. Despite this, Ednit still looked like he was about ready to place the three westerners and Tamira on a one-way train ride off a nearby cliff.
“We need to be discussing your punishment for trying to undertake this,” said Pandita Iyengar, also in Hindi. Tamira hesitated slightly before translating the words in English to the guys. This didn’t really diminish the gravity of the situation though. All three of the buddies knew things didn’t sound good just by looking at the enraged facial expressions of the two elders.
The three natives got up and left the room. A perfect opportunity for the Americans too discuss their impending execution.
“We’re in trouble, aren’t we?” said Roderick. “I knew we shouldn’t have made this trip. That beach in Tahiti sure looks good right about now.”
Sanjay tried to put a positive spin on things. “I don’t know. What’s the worse they can do to us?”
“You’re kidding, right?” asked Sanjay. “This cult can put a spell on us and we’ll wake up tomorrow morning as cockroaches.”
“That might not be so bad for you,” said Avery. “You’re already quite familiar with their practices.”
“Now what?” asked Roderick.
Sanjay glanced around the room before opening his mouth. “We wait. If none of us makes it back home my parents start wondering, then my Daadi will follow that up by making some phone calls.”
“If we’ve disappeared then the state department gets involved. Our best hope is for this mess to get really inconvenient for them to straighten out. That way they don’t lose track of us.”
“Boy oh boy Avery,” said Roderick. “That still doesn’t enhance the flavor of whatever we end up scrounging for when we find ourselves trapped in some remote Hellhole.”
The two elders and Tamira came back into the room, and the three buddies gave each other perplexed looks. She had a smile and what looked like a sense of relief on her face.
“Our organization has decided that we’ll let you return to America,” said Tamira. “But first you must promise us that you’ll never speak of this incident to anyone ever again.”
“Alright,” said the three buddies almost simultaneously.
“The practice works, but only at certain times and places, said Pandita through Tamira. The results are very slow in projecting themselves as well.”
“Interesting?” said Sanjay speaking out loud to no one in particular.
“Time suspension is possible, but it involves a number of factors such as proper diet, the way in which one lives their life, flexibility both physically, spiritually, and mentally.
“By proper diet are you referring to a balanced approach?” asked Roderick.
“No, only plant based foods and the consumption of no sugars, foods that have not been produced by man, or the parts of living creatures.”
Roderick sunk into a severe funk. Avery was indifferent. Sanjay became almost as depressed as his friend Mr. Casey. Life without ice cream and chocolate seemed inconceivable.
“But the process does work?” asked Avery.
The three Indians discussed a few things, then Ednit spoke though Tamira. “We’ve discovered the secret of time suspension, but the process occurs only if the one practicing it has the right attitude.”
Sanjay figured obviously they didn’t have the correct mental disposition. “You don’t say.”
“Those who try the practice without proper preparation will suspend time, but it takes place at speeds that are almost frozen. Too slow as it were.”
The meeting broke up soon after that. The three Americans decided there wasn’t much reason to stay in India and chose to cut their trip short. Besides, Roderick was starting to look sick. Quite possibly this had to do with his crash diet.
“So time postponement does work,” said Sanjay, “But we obviously didn’t do it right.”
“No kidding Sanjerk, said Avery. “Now what?”
“Neither of you is getting me to eat more broccoli in case you’re wondering,” said ghostly white Roderick.
Sanjay got philosophical. “What’s wrong with getting older?”
“For once you’re right.”
“Besides, did we really expect to cheat time? Getting older happens to everyone, we’re no exception either.”