Word Count; 3014

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Manipulation Construction

 

One has to wonder why a certain percentage of teenagers have this strange desire to hurdle themselves in a vertical fashion down into a wooden half-pipe. Reach the apex on the other side only to shift 180 degrees in mid-air, then roll back down into the tube in the opposite direction. Using as their exclusive mode of transport, a precarious stance upon a plank of wood with four 2 ½ “ x 2 ½ “ polyurethane wheels attached to ¼”-diameter axle-like structures on the plank’s underside. The whole time attempting various tricks involving body spins, twists, and other acts of partial (or full) insanity.

All this while continuing to move at even faster and faster speeds, and grabbing onto the plank during mid-air moments within this routine of bodily injury defiance. “Mental deficiency?’ Of course it is, and one really has to marvel at this fact; do certain individuals derive some sort of strange masochistic enjoyment out of undertaking this bizarre act of body movement? Did those self-same individuals really fall off the refrigerator at age of four and land on their head while attempting to imitate their favorite superhero? Do Televangelists ask for monetary donations while giving fire and brimstone speeches to their constituents?

Boris Baronovski happened to be one of these types of teens. Having sustained four busted noses, numerous bone fractures throughout his body, a partially torn spleen, and first-name basis association with most of the nurses and doctors at the local hospital before the ripe old age of fifteen. Quite the distinction if one is looking to enhance their personal friendships with most of the orthopedic surgeons in their hometown. Not really wanting to achieve this strange form of notoriety, Boris found himself doing so anyway because of his quirky lifestyle.

Boris had been using skateboards as transportations ever since his Big Wheel tricycle sustained a broken axle at the tender age of three. Constantly riding from point A to point B, over the years his skills had gotten better, but like most things in life the occasional injury became a marked indication that needed improvements were in order.

Currently a precocious sixteen year old, Boris found himself obsessed with a singular desire to enhance the props. Specifically, he wanted to improve his half-pipe skateboarding skills, and in order to achieve this objective he wanted one of his own in the backyard to practice on. Now if this were the perfect Boris Baronoski world, he would’ve liked it installed yesterday. Unfortunately it wasn’t, so he had to explore other discretions. How does one go about getting such a thing built?

Since his construction skills matched those of a concert pianist with an obsessive desire to maintain their digits in pristine working order, but working in a meat packing plant, Boris was faced with limited options in order to get his half-pipe. Basically two, 1.Steal one and installed it himself in the dead of the night, or 2. Beg and plead with certain friends who possessed nominal carpentry skills to build one for him.

Boris didn’t really want to get the half-pipe using nefarious, slightly illegal tactics, so Option #2 sounded like the best bet. His younger brother Juergen and best friend Trevor McMaster discussed this fact in a not-so intriguing manner while taking a break during their own skateboarding session.

A typical So. Cal. blue-sky day at the local skate park…

Trevor spoke first, since he was the quickest one to catch his breath. “So did Badinov (Boris earned this nickname via the favorite cartoon of his youth-the classic gem that is Rocky & Bullwinkle) tell you what his latest desire is?”

“Nope, “said Juergen. “But knowing my brother the dreamer, it’s probably a good one.”

“He wants to set-up a half-pipe in your backyard. That way the two of you can improve your riding skills.”

“Cool, I’ll let him do it. Theoretically I can take advantage of the fact that I’m his brother, and I’ll also claim credit for suggesting the idea to him.”

A perplexed look passed over Trevor’s face. “But you just said you had no idea what his latest scheme is, didn’t you?”

“Minor detail, give me some time to think of a way to take credit for it.”

“Ok.”

“If Badinov gets the two of us a half-pipe, then we both improve our riding. The parental units should be pleased with the prospect also.”

“Why’s that?”

“Their health insurance premiums will take a precipitous drop.”

“Ah haa. So that’s why you’re claiming credit for the idea.”

Juergen’s eyes lit up with a distinctive glee. “I’m happy to discover that you aren’t quite the dumb-ass you appear to be Trevor-My-Boy.”

“Thanks. Always nice to know I’m appreciated for more than just my good looks.”

As Juergen handed the bottle of Metric-Blasst energy drink to his buddy, he suddenly got philosophical. At least as introspective as most skateboarders can get. “I wonder how difficult it is to actually build and install a half-pipe in one’s backyard?”

“Probably a lot harder than it looks. More work than either you or your brother can pull off. Me too for that matter. None of us are carpenters.”

“True. I doubt that any of us would want to be either. Got to maintain our slacker image. Otherwise we wouldn’t be true skateboarders, right?”

“Of course.”

“So who should Badinov get to build our skateboard half-pipe?”

“Good question. Be quite the hoot if I told him to go with Old-Man Tedeschi.”

Both of them laughed, and Juergen chimed in. “It’d be an even bigger miracle if Tedeschi actually said he’d do it too.”

“Then again, stranger things can happen.”

 

Myron Tedeschi happened to be a retired Vietnam War Naval officer who’d worked as a building contractor ever since that day he stepped on to the docks of Long Beach in 1962. Truth be told, he did indeed have a wealth of knowledge when it came to building things out of wood. Tedeschi would be the perfect candidate for constructing, then installing the half-pipe. That is if Boris & Juergen could somehow manage to take advantage of his expertise. “If” &“Somehow” being the operative words in this situation.

Unfortunately, Old-Man Tedeschi also possessed a very strong opinion that the vast majority of skateboarders were only slightly higher along the evolutionary ladder than lab rats. He also felt that the rodents looked and smelled a little bit better too, so in Tedeschi’s eyes the skateboard hooligans were actually quite a bit lower.

These opinions stemmed back to the summer of ’74 and the great Southern California drought. Time and again, Myron had been forced to call the local authorities to get rid of these roving bands of skateboard losers. They’d drive down the alleys of his San Fernando Valley neighborhood, hop the fence, and then proceed to ride their boards in his half empty back yard swimming pool. Really galling how their spontaneous gatherings would evolve into impromptu parties with their loud Rock-n-Roll music and marijuana smoking.

When the cops wouldn’t show up fast enough, Myron would take matters into his own hands and get out the bullet-less shotgun. Look imposing while brandishing it, and run out the backdoor yelling and screaming. None of those kids knew the chamber was empty though, so charging after them proved to be a fairly effective strategy for getting rid of ruffians.

Myron was semi-retired, but kept his hand in the construction game by taking on the occasional building project. Mostly just inspecting what other people had done, and giving them much needed advice. Showing these young-buck contractors how you build things the correct way without all this computer technology, and modern gizmos of course.

Getting Old-Man-Tedeschi to build their skateboard half-pipe could prove to be quite the coop for another very important reason. Myron lived right next door to the Baronovski’s, and his tool shed was located directly opposite of where Boris wanted to put the half-pipe. That alone was the primary reason Juergen wanted to get Myron to build the tube.

Ironically enough, Old-Man-Tedeschi and the Baronovski kids actually got along pretty well at an earlier time. Heinrich and Rachel, the two older Baronovski kids, used to visit the Tedeschi household on an almost daily basis to look at all the cool Vietnam War memorabilia on display. Myron would almost always have a great story to tell them too as they’d examine each artifact.

Sooner or later, Ethel Tedeschi would provide everyone with freshly baked, hot cookies, and a tall glass of milk for each of them. Myron would occasionally dig into his wallet whenever

they’d hear the music waffling out of the ice cream truck as it drove down the street too.

All this came to an abrupt end when Ethel decided she wanted to get a divorce and join a UFO cult in New Mexico. Myron distinctly remembered the day she announced her intentions, since she burned the toast while preparing breakfast that morning. Myron found it was quite peculiar how bizarre, completely random events like that can trigger memories of past heartaches.

All these years later, and he still had trouble figuring out why she wanted to do it in the first place. Maybe it was her obsession with watching old episodes of Star Trek every day, or her constant complaining that the L.A. light pollution was screwing up her nightly stargazing. Probably had more to do with the fact that another one of those skateboard reprobate visits took place the very afternoon she announced her intentions.

Whatever it was, nothing seemed right about the situation with these two adolescent Baronovski kids. For one thing, both of them were so much younger than their two older siblings. Almost as if Bernard and Edith Baronovski went through some sort of “re-living-their young-adulthood” phase when both boys were born.

Then the two kids started riding those infernal skateboards all over the neighborhood before either of them had even gotten out of diapers. Completely insane, and totally against the proper laws of nature. Myron decided there’s got to be something seriously wrong about that particular form of childhood development.

Reassuringly, there are certain things that still seem right about the world. One of them happened to be an enduring friendship with Heinrich Branovski. Even after all these years, Myron smiled when he came to the conclusion that the young man was proving to be more level headed than his two bratty little brothers put together. Strangely enough, this fact would work to the advantage of Boris in his quest for half-pipe assembly in the backyard.

Later that same day around the Barnovski kitchen table:

“So in a nutshell that’s the plan,” said Boris. “Now all I’ve got to do is find somebody who’s interested in helping us to achieve a higher plane of skateboarding excellence. Then convince them to build the half-pipe for everyone in the neighborhood. Little do they realize I want the whole set-up primarily for myself.”

Juergen quickly jumped in. “Me too,”

“Yeah, yeah. You too.” said Boris.

“Probably help to get somebody that knows a bit about building those sorts of things, don’t you think? Asked Heinrich in a bold attempt at not sounding facetious.

Thankfully, Heinrich’s word flew straight over the heads of his clueless brothers. “I was thinking that myself,” said Boris. “Be great if we could convince Old-Man-Tedeschi to do the job for us.”

“You’ve never really liked the guy have you?” asked Heinrich.

“Not really. Always remembering that time he sprayed me and Jerky-Boy (everyone’s favorite nickname for Juergen) with his garden hose. Not my fault you were packing a load in your diapers while cruising down the sidewalk that day.”

“Ha, ha,” said Juergen. “I was only two and a half at the time, give me a break Badinov.”

Heinrich nonchalantly smiled as he said it. “So what if I told you I’ve got a plan for convincing Mr. Tedeschi to supervise the building of your half-pipe?”

Boris suddenly perked up more than a Hollywood producer right after a massive ingestion of cocaine. “Really, how?”

“Suppose I told Mr. Tedeschi that I’d like to build a half-pipe for the neighborhood kids. Just to get him really interested in the project, I’d also tell him I need his supervision and advice to make the undertaking succeed. I’ll bet he just might be interested in helping you.”

“Really?” said Boris and Juergen almost simultaneously.

“I won’t tell him you two want the ramp primarily for yourselves.”

“Why not?” asked Boris.

“That might sabotage your scheme if he realized that. The guy still thinks both of you are incorrigible slackers.”

“What’s that? asked Juergen.”

From time to time it still continued to amaze Heinrich just how naïve his little brothers could be when it didn’t concern skateboarding. “I’ll tell you later on.”

“You’d do that for us Heinrich? asked Boris, who still had a hard time figuring out why his older brother was such a magnanimous person. “Gee thanks.”

 

Heinrich felt a twinge of apprehension as he knocked on the door of Myron Tedeschi’s house. He figured that convincing the guy to help his brothers with their half-pipe wouldn’t exactly be the easiest task on his agenda that day. In fact, pulling off this Tedeschi-Manipulation, (as Boris and Juergen began referring to it)) ranked right up there with convincing pre-school toddlers they should eat more vegetables. Or maybe getting Democrats and Republicans to agree on anything?

Best to just jump into it boldly and see want happens. “Hope for the best, but you must be to expect preparation of worst,” as Grandma Baronovski’s used to put it in her broken English.

Heinrich thought back to his youth and all those daily trips Rachel and he used to make next door. The excitement he would feel as they’d walk into the front living room. All that anticipation of what types of treasures Myron would show them that day. Then the great stories in relation to each artifact he’d pull out for them to look at, and even touch.

It almost seemed as if the cookies and milk Ethel Tedeschi would inevitably bring out were more of an anti-climactic gesture on her part than examining the Vietnam artifacts. Sometimes they’d just have to sit and wait while Myron rummaged through his cedar chests down in the basement to bring out that entire memorabilia. Heinrich thought it odd how Mr. Tedeschi had all those pictures of ocean waves on the living room walls. He wondered why that was the case?

“Mr. Tedeschi,” said Heinrich. “Good to see you again, what’s it been, almost a year since we last saw one another?”

Myron Tedeschi could hardly contain his excitement at receiving a visitor. Particularly one he enjoyed having. “Ten months Heinrich. I tend to remember these things.”

For the next two hours Heinrich and Myron reminisced about the way things used to be. Heinrich chose to carefully introduce the matter of the skateboard half-pipe in a measured, almost matter-of-fact sort of way. Introduce his idea in a slow, but forceful manner while Myron wasn’t even taking much notice of it. Things fell into place nicely.

“So you’re looking to install a skateboard half-pipe in your folk’s backyard for all the neighborhood kids to tool around on?” said Myron. “Sounds outstanding, I like the idea.”

Heinrich made a bold attempt to hide his own shock and surprise. Badinov and Jerky-Boy would probably fly higher than a hi-jacked F-16’s when they heard the news. “Figured you would Mr. Tedeschi.”

“You know Heinrich,” said Myron. “I used to ride surf boards all the time in my youth. I was quite the aficionado of the sport.”

“Really? I was wondering why you had all those pictures of waves on your wall. Now the secret is revealed.”

“In fact, I went down to the ocean on an almost regular basis back in my youth, when Ethel and I weren’t entertaining you and your sister of course. Then after Ethel left me to go on her Little-Green-Aliens-Search, I kind of got away from my regular visits to the beach.”

The shock and awe just kept coming for Heinrich. “No kidding? I had no idea.”

“I watched some of that new-fangled skateboard tubular riding on television. Even watched them do it on snow once too. That half-pipe skateboard stuff is like riding a surfboard, only on wheels.”

“Yeah it is.”

“ I’d like to see the kids around here get really good at it too, since none of them can drive a car to the ocean. What better way than to supply them with a structure to practice on.”

Indeed, what better way. Heinrich rubbed his palms and smiled as he walked out the door.

 

The very next day Heinrich, utilizing the retired, but very worthy advice of Myron Tedeschi, began building a half-pipe in the Baronovski backyard. Luckily, Boris and Juergen promised Heinrich they’d only pay the two of them the occasional visit to supply them with iced tea, or to inspect the proceedings. Not to give out biased, unprofessional analysis of its construction, or to place their incorrigible slackerness on display.

Even though construction didn’t go fast enough for Boris, within two weeks the half-pipe was completed and ready to be tested out. The day of it’s maiden voyage, everyone got excited. Particularly both younger Baronovski siblings, and Myron Tedeschi.

“This is so cool,” said Juergen. “Thanks for helping us out Mr. Tedeschi.

“Now remember,” said Myron. “We shouldn’t have any small children utilizing this tubular practice facility. None of that stuff you and your brother Boris used to do when you were little children. Wear a helmet at all times too.”

“Got it Mr. Tedeschi.”

“I want to see both of you get to the level of your older brother, Heinrich.”

Juergen was perplexed. “What do you mean? He doesn’t ride skateboards?”

“Not that. He’s at an extremely high level on the morality ladder. Hopefully the two of you will get there someday.”