The Right Amount

Of Spice?

In my wildest dreams, I never thought the Corona-Virus pandemic lock-down would lead to this, but maybe it has. You could be asking yourselves, what’s Swanson screaming about this time? Maybe he’s finally following up on that threat of his to divest himself of everything he owns. Is he really going to sell the condo. he lives in at such a cut-rate price that only a complete idiot-buyer would pass its purchase up? Finally blessing us by moving to that isolated tropical island in the South Pacific? Followed of course by embarking upon a long and fruitful career as a drug-smuggling charter boat captain? No not that one, although carrying out the above threat could be grist for some very good writing themes.

What I’m instead ranting about is that I’m doing this thing called cooking. What, David G. Swanson actually preparing food? So that really was a pig flying by my window just now, and miracles actually do happen?

Granted, it’s been a slow evolution. At first, just one or two extra preparation practices whenever I’d fix that evening’s entrée. Cutting up and browning in the frying pan a few onions prior to adding them to the beans. Getting a bit more creative by shelling, then dumping a bunch of nuts into my salad. Small stuff, but then as the old saying goes, “Rome wasn’t built in a day.”

Remember this, in quite a few situations when it comes to this cooking thing, I’m basically flying blind. Since we’re talking rank-beginner, and wet-behind-the-ears rookie, I’ve had to rely upon lots of auxiliary aides. YouTubevideos off the Internet are somewhat helpful. I say “somewhat” because they haven’t always been that much of an aide in this cooking endeavor.

Case in point; making a sauce to add to the spaghetti noodles I just boiled. Not having a handy recipe to make the sauce, I chose to find a recipe off the Internet, and additionally kill some time by watching a YouTube video on the computer. I found a recipe and after perusing it, decided the sauce preparation wouldn’t be too difficult.

After browning the onions, adding a bit of garlic and a few other ingredients-I hit a standstill. This is what the recipe said, and I quote verbatim for all those culinary types out there;

“After browning the onions and softening the garlic cloves, add just the right amount of spice to your mixture. What exactly is,” the right amount of spice?”Does that mean throwing a handful of oregano into the onion mixture, or maybe that means I should toss the entire contents of the oregano in my container since it’s gotten slightly weaker owing to the fact that the top hasn’t been twisted open since it was last touched in 1993? Maybe that means I should hold off on this sauce preparation thing until the pandemic has ended and make a trip to Morocco? Just so I can find some fresh oregano at the spice stalls in Marrakesh? Damn, this cooking thing is a real pain in the ass. Why do they make it look so easy on all those cooking shows?

Next, we have browning some chicken strips to put in that evening’s burritos. Helps having this pre-made stuff, and all you have to do is fry up the strips, then add them to the rice, beans, and various other ingredients. The entire thing then dumped on your flour tortilla and haphazardly folding into something you can actually stick in your mouth and consume.

That folding job looks downright pathetic. Do it over again dammit. Ah, the Hell with it, so what if the burrito now looks like that science project I got a C+ on in 5^th grade. I never liked Mrs. Sutherland anyway, and I will always contend that she was severely beaten with the ugly stick earlier in her career.

Maybe I should go into the dessert realm and things might get easier? I’ve always liked sweets so that could help too? What about this grandiose dessert thing called, “Baked Alaskan”? This requires a cooking blowtorch to brown the meringue on top. Obviously that idea is out the window. Unless I want to get on the bad side of all my neighbors by burning the condo. down.

Instead, let’s keep in mind the old saying, “It’s the thought that counts,”.Since that’s the case, I have thought seriously about making a pie, or quite possibly turning the oven on for only the second time since last April and baking some cookies. Haven’t actually taken the time to do these things, but it’s the thought that counts, right?

Here’s the really ironic thing. Whenever I go to visit my sister in Durango, I really enjoy watching the cooking shows on PBS, or Food Network. Listening to “The Splendid Table” on my local public radio station is also an enjoyable hour spent sitting on the couch. Always fun to experience these things and tell myself whatever is being prepared looks or sounds pretty good so the people doing these shows should make special arrangements to serve me the finished product in profuse amounts.

Honesty time people: There are various reasons why I’ve become a semi-vegetarian. Besides wanting to save the planet, it’s also incredibly easy to prepare raw vegetables for consumption purposes. Here’s the recipe; Bring the vegetables home, wash them (particularly at this time…), cut them up, put the vegetables on a plate in the refrigerator. Then when it’s time to eat, take the vegetable out of the refrigerator, put it on a plate accompanied by some sort of dipping sauce, and BADA-BING, BADA-BOOM time to consume said product. Another positive side effect to this procedure; Little to no clean-up involved when you’re finished.

Attempting to bake bread during this CoVid 19 self-isolation period? Give me a break…