
The Soothing Charms of Hiking to Timberline (Essay Re-Post, 696 Word Count)
August 2, 2019
Something I Should’ve Done a While ago (Essay, 926 Word Count)
August 29, 2019This is an essay that was originally published in April of 2016. I’m right in the middle of writing a short story whose deadline is August 31st. In other words, right now I’m busier at the computer than most folks. This writing thing is fun, but takes time as we all know.
Word Count: 744
The Ultimate
Travel Companion
We at“Basic Solutions” feel that the general public is now prepared for our new product, “Perfect Traveler”.This App. can be installed on your mobile device for a nominal fee that can be sent to our headquarters in Clearscam, Florida.
Although we haven’t worked out all the kinks for our commodity, we need to launch this invention. We’re very excited, and look forward to the buying hordes snapping up our product like the latest pain killer pills from your local pharmacy.
You may be asking yourself, “What is this, Perfect Traveler App. you speak of?” I’ll try to answer your query as marketing consultant for “B.S.”.
Our article is quite revolutionary. Designed to allow individuals using it the capability of tailoring their next vacation to individual needs and whims. Why don’t we use some basic examples to illustrate this?
Let’s say you want to vacation at a beach resort. A legitimate excuse since you happen to live in a northern clime where it’s colder than myex-wife on date night. When people ask what you did last summer, you tell them in all seriousness that you went on a picnic that day.
In this case a beach vacation does indeed sound quite inviting. This isn’t just any beach holiday you’re looking into. You’d like to have every desire taken care while on holiday. Suppose you wake up at 3:00 am during your time away from the salt mine with a hankering for BBQ Shrimp in a light sauce, sautéed pasta, and washed down with a smooth flowing Mango Daiquiri. “Perfect Traveler”on your mobile device will allow you to fulfill this wish. Simply punch it in and our contacts will call a local chef who will provide these commodities to you for a nominal fee.
During the consumption of your snack, bothersome tropical insects the size of mosquitoes in Minnesota are annoying you. “Perfect Traveler”will notify a local insecticide service. They come to your area and dust it with a miniscule, but effective insect deterrent no more harmful than most early forms of DDT. Which as we all know didn’t have much of an impact on the environment in its original incarnation.
This elimination of bothersome creatures feature on our
App. can also be utilized for other purposes. Let’s say you decide to go deep sea diving near the wreck of a Spanish Galleon. While exploring the area, a tiger shark gets curious and swims close enough that you can see it’s pearly whites. Using your trusty P.T. App.,a crack team of former Navy Seals will be dispatched to the scene. They eliminate the tiger shark faster than you can say, “Blackbeard liked wearing woman’s pantaloons under his pirate costume.”
Face it; use of “Perfect Traveler”can take care of almost any vacation need. It isn’t just for “Air Conditioned Bus Tour”Type holidays either. You’re one of those rebellious types who like to visit places your family refers to as “Third World Hellholes”.There’s something edgy and exciting about having an AK47 stuck in your face and questioned by a 14-year-old asking for your passport and travel documents in his broken English. With your P.T. you can be assured this happens on a daily basis. During your journey the App. will notify, and grease the appropriately corrupt government officials in all the countries where you’ll be venturing. Guaranteeing a headache filled journey you’ll never forget.
Enjoy going for a few days without eating? Followed of course by ten hours of decapitating a chicken, de-feathering it, cutting the creature up, and then par boiling it till the meat is as tender as most bone-dry beef jerky? Our App. does this by contacting markets prior to your arrival and insuring that they’re closed as you pass through each village. Just one of many amazing features on our App. The possibilities are endless.
Why shouldn’t we be excited about the release of our product? You would be too if you knew about all the things this article is capable of. The prospect of record future profits might have something to do with our current emotional state. That’s secondary of course.
What a person does during their holiday is an individual choice. We at Basic Solutions understand this and it’s been taken into consideration for our product’s design. As it should be since we haven’t quite achieved the end result for our App.’s production. We’re passionate this will eventually happen.