This essay relates to the whole New Year’s Resolution phenomenon. Why does almost everyone set all sorts of resolutions for themselves, and close to 90% of people end up breaking the commitment within a month. Don’t ask me since I’m more often than not a member of that same 90% demographic.

Word Count: 786

Why Resolutions Get Broken

Why is it that people are forced into a position of feeling guilty whenever it comes to the New Year? In other words, in the days leading up to New Year’s Eve, and the subsequent days right after that (or in some cases subsequent weeks), most people make all sorts of proposals for themselves. Then 9 times out of 10, they end up breaking their resolution anyway. In most cases not even a month goes by and the resolution goes the way of the Dodo Bird, a creature very few people have even heard about. Probably because it’s been extinct for over a century, which might have something to do with quite a few folks never knowing the creature existed.

So if that’s the case, why not set resolutions for yourself that you’re guaranteed not to abandon within a month of making them? Sounds pretty good if you ask me. Then again, if I were the one in charge, things might be slightly different. Definitely more eccentric, which always makes the situation more interesting for everyone concerned as far as I’m concerned.

The classic New Year’s resolutions are generally the usual suspects. A commitment to losing weight-and since that’s the case, trying to exercise more. Who are we kidding? Using that piece of exercise equipment for its original intent is impossible. It’s become a very handy clothing rack.

Cutting back on the drinking. Unless of course the individual happens to be a total teetotaler like myself, who tends to make most Boy Scouts look like neighborhood pimps.

Trying to be a better parent. Totally impossible to achieve this resolution in the eyes of most teenager’s. Us members of the, “Ok Boomer” generation are remnants of the Stone Age era, aren’t we?

Being more productive at work. Yeah right. This one really disappears at the speed of a melting glacier in the Arctic.

Attempting to spend more quality time with the family. Hard to pull this off when everyone and their cousin has a handy smart phone to aid in distraction purposes.

Eating more of the right foods in order to improve your diet. Most food that’s supposedly good for you has also been placed in the “Bad Taste” category. You don’t want to destroy that delicate gag reflex you’ve nurtured over the years?

Cleaning out that garage so an actual internal combustion vehicle can fit inside it. This is also impossible to achieve since it would require the actual discarding of various items you can’t imagine never wanting to part with.

Fixing and/or repairing that washer/drier once and for all let’s be honest shall we, it hasn’t worked in four or five years anyway so it’s better to throw the thing away and buy a new one. Which is basically what the mass market consumer society intelligensia wants you to do anyway.

Resolve to purchase that helicopter you’ve been threatening to buy for the past twenty years. This resolution won’t happen for two reasons; 1. You still haven’t accumulated the financial resources to reach this goal. And #2. Totally relates to 1. 2. Human evolution hasn’t advanced enough yet to allow us to live for the next three hundred years.

Getting to know your neighbor better. Once again, we’ve got our handy smart phones to aid in the breaking of this resolution. Thank God this resource is available to us.

Calling your mother on a regular basis. What, and finally admit she knows what she’s talking about-fat chance? Along those lines-finally contacting that sibling you haven’t spoken to since last Thanksgiving’s Death-Match dinner table conversation. Finally admitting you’re wrong and he/she is right-chances of that happening are one in a million at best.

And finally, the ultimate New Year’s resolution-trying mightily to hold back and respect the opposing political viewpoint when it’s being yelled at you. No way Jose, that’s virtually impossible.

No wonder almost every New Year’s resolution is impossible to keep. When the majority of them are along the lines of what we just talked about, is it any wonder almost every New Year commitment never seems to be kept? No.

Since that’s the case, why not make a set of resolutions for yourself that are the exact opposite of what should actually be done? That way when they get broken (And they’re guaranteed to get broken), you won’t feel so guilty about the resolution having fallen by the wayside.