Covert Fungi Foraging (Silverton Style)
August 3, 2012
MusicWith Non-Combustible Instrments (Short Story) {Part II}
August 17, 2012
Today’s posting is a short story that I originally wrote a few years ago, that’s been languishing on the hard drive of my computer ever since. I’ve split this little ditty into two parts and today’s entry is the first. Various other writing tasks (contest entries, writing of other short stories, submissions, etc.), as well as various other things has kept me from concentrating on any new writing for the blog over the past month. Today is no exception.
The inspiration for this story came from a brass band festival in my hometown of Silverton that’s taking place next weekend. While I’m not a great fan of the musical genera, in researching the facts for this story (yes Mildred, fiction writers do research facts), I discovered that the music is very popular for a number of folks. Worldwide in fact. Writing this story was an eye opening and fun experience for me.
Word Count: 960
Music with Non-Combustible Instruments {Part I}
Just the thought of having to ask him for his assistance with this project seems like such a bitter pill to swallow. Asking for his help with anything even remotely un-brass band music related seems like the most galling of prospects. Not unlike having to extract that wood splinter in your finger with a lug wrench, a solid lead one at that too. They always say though, nothing quite like using the correct tool to do the job.
That’s exactly the prospect Edgar Riviera found himself faced with in this oddly bizarre situation. The 2010 Kanaab Rock-n-Reggae Music Fest. was fast approaching, and Edgar needed someone to help him with setting up the main-stage sound system. Just so happens that Helmut Falconburg, was the only person in town possessing even a passing knowledge of how to set up this particular sound system. Then get the infernal thing to crank out some noise. Since Helmut also had somewhat flexible hours, due entirely to the fact that he’s one of those disgusting trust-fund types with lots of time on their hands and unconcerned about those nasty little things called bills and/or rents and mortgages. Therefore he just might be willing to help you with the set-up, might being the operative word in this situation.
Now all you’ve got to do Edgar, is walk up to the guy, grovel a bit in his presence, politely ask for his help, and try to avoid the standard ribbing about his retro-tastes in music. Keep your fingers crossed, and hope your karma happens to be good at that particular time too. Wait a second, in order to have good karma, technically you’re suppose to believe in reincarnation.
That’s impossible. On the other hand, you do believe in reintardation, the firm belief that dumb
people keep coming back to pester those of us with superior intellects. This happens to be another one of those theories proven uncannily accurate time and time again.
He’ll do it, he’s got to, and maybe you should offer to reward him. Compensation for all
that trouble he’s going through to help you? What if he wants you to listen to some of that god-awful brass band racket? Just the sound of it makes your ears hurt, then again you’ll only have to put up with that musical garbage for a brief moment or two. Just excuse yourself to go visit the little men’s room while he’s playing it for you, theoretically that’ll work.
“Hey Helmut old buddy,” grovel appropriately. “I was wondering if you’d be interested in assisting me with setting up the sound system for the upcoming Music Fest?”
“I don’t know Edgar,” said Helmut, doing his standard head bowed down, engrossed in some sort of deep thought, hunchback pose that would make Dr. Frankenstein proud. “Me and Greta are pretty busy making preliminary plans for the All-Brass Musical Concerts.”
“But that isn’t for another four months? Why the sense of urgency?”
“It takes a great deal of advanced preparation. Things must be organized in just the right way so they fall into place at the precise moment prior to, and during the concert, Edgar.”
“Whatever,” said Edgar in a faint whisper.
“What’s that? You spoke so softly that I didn’t quite hear you.”
“Oh that, I said a wonderful plan. That’s quite admirable the way you and your sister do all this advanced preparation to get ready for your concert.”
“Thank you Edgar.”
“So would it be possible for me to get your assistance with the set-up of our speakers?”
“You mean it isn’t assembled yet? Isn’t your festival in a five days?”
“Yeah, I’m pressed for time at the moment. Lots of last minute details.
“Actually, I’m quite unfamiliar with this concept of doing things at the last minute. I generally have all my logistics planned in advance for the non combustible concerts.”
“Non combustible? Why call it that Helmut old chum?”
“With the exception of the piccolo and flute sections of our concert band, all of our music is created with only brass instruments. No harmonics produced from combustible instruments.”
“Combustible? None of what they call woodwind instruments? No violins or cellos either?”
“Unfortunately not.”
“Drums?”
“Well the combustible exception in our band is the percussion section.”
“What about Bass instruments?”
“Only what can be produced from our low octave non-combustible horns.”
“Guitars.”
“Most definitely not Edgar, no string instruments,” said Helmut, sounding as emphatic as one can with a voice analogous to that of a nursing home patient addicted to Prozac.
“Ok then, I’ll file that fact away for later non-contemplation.”
“What’s that Edgar. You’re almost speaking too softly?”
“Nothing. You really enjoy listening to this brass band music, don’t you?”
“Our musical sound has a clear, precise, tempo to it. Very forceful you might say. ”
“Faasciist sounding.”
“Whatsaat? Once again you’re speaking much too softly Edgar?”
“Oh nothing, just had something caught in my throat. Easy to march to is it? Always a strong consideration in my musical book.”
“The harmonics harkens back to a simpler time. A more clearly defined period in history.
Composers knew their subject matter on a more visceral level. Very notable indeed.”
“Right,” said Edgar, trying mightily not to sound too sarcastic. “More black and white.
What can you do for me concerning this sound system assembly Helmut old buddy?”
“You need my assistance with the set-up right away?”
“ASAP Helmut,” Edgar cringed as the next set of words flowed out of his mouth. “I’ll make it worth your while.”
“Worth my while? I’ll get back to you as quickly as possible with a reply Edgar.”
“Got it Helmut old chum. I’ll keep my cell phone on, ready and waiting for your call.”
