Collecting The Laughs (Part I)
February 6, 2015
Letting Loose With the Unfairness Gripes
March 6, 2015
This is an essay that was originally published in February 2013. Lots of other projects are keeping me from being able to write anything new right now. This essay proved very popular when I wrote it.
Word Count: 908
Appeasing Your
Inner Adrenalin Junkie
Something I do on quite regularly is volunteer a lot. Basically for any and all manner of community social events here in Silverton. The big ski-Joring Competition two weekends ago was of course no exception to this rule.
One of the things I enjoy about doing a volunteer gig here in Silverton is being able to visit with friends. When I’m doing my writing and sitting down by myself with a computer monitor staring me in the face, I’ve created this little cocoon to crawl into. Sunken so far into my own little world of the mind that unless I get out into social situations on a regular basis, sooner or later I’ll be seeking psychiatric counseling. Either that or composing my Academy Award acceptance speech.
In the short four years that its been in existence, the Silverton Ski-Joring festival has turned into one of the big social events of the winter season. When I made that call to get on the volunteer list I did so with a palpable sense of anticipation. This was going to be a lot of fun, and having to dodge the occasional horse dropping was only a minor inconvenience I’d be compelled to deal with.
This year I got asked to bring the plastic rings from the finish line back to the three stations along the route leading to the start. A fairly basic task and running back and forth wouldn’t involve any sort of intense physical stress. Plus, while carrying out the task it’d give me a chance to run into lots of folks. Being right in the center of the action, this also meant I’d have a front row seat to every single horse galloping up the street with skier in tow. Is that totally cool or what? Quite spectacular actually.
The first batch of skiers being pulled up the street were the novices. Basically skiers curious about what it might feel like to be pulled up the street by a horse. I say “curious” but it’s more like wanting to satisfy your inner adrenalin junkie. You race across a flat surface at breakneck speeds while attempting to collect plastic hoops with a wooden stick. Sort of like being a medieval Knight, only you’re not on the horse. Instead you’re strapped to a pair of skis, holding on for dear life as the horse is pulling you. Wondering why you wanted to do this in the first place, and counting the seconds till you get across the finish line.
I wanted to confirm some people’s suspicions about me being a few French fries short of a Happy Meal. While walking back up the street after dropping off hoops I told various friends and enemies that one day I want to do the novice category with my X-country skate skis on. You ever handled a pair of skate skis? They’re only two or three ounces heavier than most toothpicks. Was I kidding about this? You be the judge.
Then they got to the pro class. The guys who actually get paid to do this sort of thing, and folks who take this stuff very seriously. Although the cowboys pulling the novices up the street seemed quite somber and focused while doing that, once they got to the pro class it seemed like things were even more so. Everything got ratcheted up a notch or two higher on the resolute scale. In addition to ripping up the street while attempting to cut hard through a set of gates and collecting as many plastic rings as they could grab onto. Skiers are required to go over a set of jumps along the course. All this in an attempt to get the fastest time while being pulled by the fastest horse. Boy oh boy, another obstacle standing in their way.
While watching the action ensue, seeing these skiers get pulled over the jumps turned out to be the highlight of my volunteer gig. One of them did a spectacular “yard sale” as he wissed off the jump (skier lingo for a full-on crash where you leave your gear spread out and prominently displayed). Watching him wipe out was actually kind of exciting, and now I know why network television likes to show ski racers eating it every time they broadcast a World Cup race. Let’s face it, people like to see crashes and I’m sure some of them want to appease their desire for watching other people eat it big time. Why do you think “America’s Funniest Home Videos” is still popular after all these years on television?
Watching this guy crashing I noted that he didn’t seem to sustain any sort of serious physical damage other than his ski pants having been shredded. The guy immediately got back up, brushed himself off, and a half hour later I noticed him having another go at it. Being pulled up the street by another horse galloping at top speed. Maybe he wondered whether his family was correct when they accused him of being a “Closet Masochist”?
When all was said and done on Sunday afternoon people really enjoyed watching the action. This is a great winter spectator activity for Silverton, and I look forward to volunteering again next year. Maybe I’ll actually do that Novice class with my skate skis on. Then again, I could get tangled up in the rope and drug down the street screaming. Quite spectacular actually.
